~ Chapter 2: A new day in my wife's dungeon! ~
[Tuberculus’ point of view]
“Tuberculus! Wake up!”
The sweet voice of a woman tickled my ears. The first thought to cross my mind was that I couldn’t remember if I hired a new maid or if I landed in a brothel the night before. I honestly wanted to sleep, to heal and rest my old bones, but some strange force refused to let me do so.
I felt my heavy eyelids steadily becoming lighter and lighter until they let a bright light pierce through, and my cozy darkness vanished.
“Ugh… What time is it? Turn off the sun…” I grumbled and raised my hand up, trying to block the annoying light.
“I can’t turn off the sun, and I have no idea what time it is. Morning maybe?” the woman replied.
“I see… so, who are you again?” I asked, still believing I was in my bed at the academy.
Wait… where’s the floor? Probably asleep in my bed… I thought as I ignored the ‘profound’ logic I applied to this case.
“What a silly question! Hehe!” she giggled.
How is it silly? I wondered and furrowed my brow.
“My name is Yandrea, and I am your Godlike Dungeon Lord wife.” she replied calmly.
“Ah? Really… how cute.” I said as the gears in my old brain began to turn.
The rust and wax were mighty between my ears, making all of my thoughts hard to form and gather. Eventually, something cracked in there, and I realized what she said.
No matter how much I enjoyed gulping down the old throat the occasional bottle or barrel of liquor, I highly doubted I ended up SO drunk last night that I didn’t remember when I wooed a dungeon. Therefore, I refused to believe what she just said and thought of it as nothing but a child’s prank.
Yup, no memory in the old noggin about a beauty I proposed to… No memory about a drinking party either… I thought as I tried to search my dusty memories for something vaguely familiar.
It took me a while to realize that I was flying or floating, and the one who spoke wasn’t around me.
“Huh?” I waved my hands and tried to feel my surroundings, but I couldn’t touch anything.
“Are you alright?” she asked me.
“Yes… I think… So you just said your were my wife?” I asked again.
“Yes, silly. And a Godlike Dungeon Lord as well!” she replied cheerfully.
Great… You old fool! How did you manage this? I scolded myself as I looked around for her.
“W-Where exactly are you?” I asked.
Left or right, up or down, no matter where I looked, I couldn’t see her. All around me was an endless sea of white. There were no clouds above me and no ground below me. The only thing I could see was a floating white sphere that shone bright like the sun, but unlike the big glob of light in the sky, I could actually look at this one.
Is this some form of communication magic or maybe the projector of this illusion? I wondered.
“Was I kidnapped by someone? I’m not worth that much, although, you’ll probably get ‘thank you’ letters.” I said.
For me that sounded like a rather plausible theory. It explained the reason why I couldn’t remember anything, and the fact that I was unable to move like this.
“You’re silly! I’m right here! See?” the orb of light spoke and made a loop in front of me.
“Huh? I married a glob of light? How drunk was I?” I said a bit dumbfounded.
There was absolutely no mistake about it! The orb of bright light spoke and moved around me like an excited little puppy. But something like this… something like this wasn’t possible, right? Or rather, what sort of spell was able to do this? I wanted to learn it…
“Hm… I wonder if I broke something when I fixed your body?” she suddenly asked herself a very scary question.
“No no! I don’t feel broken at all! I can think straight. I can see, feel, move… Nothing broken!” I smiled awkwardly “It’s just that, people like me don’t usually get to see a floating orb of light who speaks and moves of her own accord. How do you do this, and what do you mean by fixing?” I asked curiously.
Looking down at my arms, I could clench my hands into fist. My joints worked perfectly, they weren’t creaking anymore, and I could see quite well, actually… I had a perfect sight.
Huh? My hands… My hands look young… I thought while flexing my fingers.
I felt changed, but in a good way. I never felt like this since I was a young boy filled with energy and a limitless desire to see the world and all of its wonders.
I wonder why did I stop? I thought while I tried to remember the reason, but nothing came to mind.
“By fixing, I mean healing your injuries, getting rid of that thing living on your face. Oh! And I made you younger too! Before, you looked all wrinkly, and I didn’t like it at all!” she said, brutally expressing her distaste for my old-man looks.
Wait! What does she mean by ‘thing living on my face’? I thought furrowing my brow.
With no mirror in sight or even a puddle of water to act as a substitute, I used my own fingers to ‘see’ how I looked like. Indeed, all the wrinkles and scars were gone, but I made a most shocking discovery.
“I-I-It’s g-g-gone…” I stuttered as I lowered my hands.
There was a clear expression of shock on my face.
“What’s gone?” she asked confused.
“My beard… My sweet, manly, wizard beard…” I felt like crying.
My mustache was gone too, but the way I wore it, they completed each other, forming a beautiful dance of gray, manly hair of strength and wisdom. Now I was deprived of it.
“My beard is gone…” I let out a sad sigh.
“Sorry… I didn’t know you wanted to keep that thing. I thought it was some sort of monster living on your face. Tehe!” she said.
Don’t ‘Tehe!’ me! How could you think it was a hairy monster! Wait… I stopped and blinked a bit surprised. She didn’t… did she? I gulped and pulled my shirt to look at my chest. I teared up. How lovely… From a manly, hairy chest, now it looks like the sparkly bottom of a baby!
It was official. Besides the top of my head, the only strands of hair left on my body were my eyelashes and eyebrows. I felt violated. I felt like a child not a man.
Although it wasn’t something I could change now, and I was certain that if I were to get a wife, the first thing to go was probably going to be my beard, I never imagined it would be like this. In my mind, I had one last conversation with my beard as I set her off to the Beard God!
The loss… I thought.
“Your species is a rather weird one. Even elves aren’t that hairy, but don’t worry. With the special changes I made, you will never have to worry about having a face like an unwashed mongrel ever again!” she said proudly.
“Ugh…” I groaned.
“Well, I fixed you now, so you should be happy!”
The pride in her words felt like jagged spears brutally plunged into my heart. I began to fear what other things she may have changed in her eagerness to ‘help me’. My pride as a man was already in shambles and if I took another hit, I would just want to go crawl under a rock and cry like a little boy.
“So, what do you think?” she asked with a rather excited tone of voice.
It was one of those questions all of my friends warned me about. It was the so-called ‘deadly trap of doom’. One single wrong word, and I could find myself begging for my life. Indeed, a wife’s questions had to be treated with great care and caution by her husband.
“Erm… It’s too early to tell, but I’m sure you did a good job, although, next time, I would appreciate it if you asked my opinion before removing anything else you find disturbing on my body.” I smiled awkwardly.
“Very well! Then, I’ll let you out and have a test run with your new body! As for your hair, I don’t want your face to look like a Yeti’s bottom, so it’s staying like that!” she declared.
There goes my chance of getting my beard back… I want to cry. Uhu! I thought.
Before I had the chance to express any further concerns towards her, I was kicked out of that place. A bright light surrounded me, forcing me to cover my eyes and when I opened them, I was out.
Yandrea released me next to her Crystal Body, and she was the first thing I saw. Nonetheless, I had no words to describe the amazement and surprise that overwhelmed me when I saw her. In all of my years, I never seen or heard of a Dungeon of her size and color. Her crystal body was bigger than Illsyore’s and nearly perfectly round. It was pink in color, which was incredibly rare.
Unconsciously, I placed my hand over the smooth surface and rubbed my fingers around it. The sensation was similar to touching a perfectly cut jewel, but it held the warmth of a living being. Magic Energy swirled inside her body, and to put it simply, she was beautiful.
“Ahn~!” Yandrea let out a cute moan, and I immediately pulled back my hand.
I gulped and blinked surprised.
“Pervert…” she said with a soft, cute voice.
“Eh… I apologize, milady!” I said bowing my head.
“Buuut I liked it. Hehe!” she giggled, and I blushed.
I just felt something I shouldn’t… She’s a dungeon and a crystal, so why do I feel embarrassed about it? Wait! If I get excited by her even when she is in this form, does this mean I’m one of those pervert?! I thought, and I prayed to all the gods it wasn’t so.
“Feel free to look around this floor. I’ll let everyone know that you are dropping by, so they won’t start attacking you all of a sudden. Also, don’t attack or kill anyone, you hear?” she warned me.
“Yes, I’ll remember not to act aggressively towards any of the monsters I encounter.” I nodded.
“Then I’ll come by and absorb you when it’s time to go to bed!” she said, but her voice this time didn’t come out from the crystal.
Looking up, I saw a floating sphere of light similar to the one in that world I was in until just a moment ago. Strangely enough, I knew instinctively I was looking at none other than Yandrea. There wasn’t even the smallest doubt in my heart about it. It was a fascinating ability I never heard any other dungeon to possess, or maybe no one except their husbands or wives knew about it?
“I understand.” I nodded.
“See you later, my husband!” she giggled and flew away.
I let out a cough. It still felt weird to be called like that. I didn’t exactly feel like a husband yet. Everything was going at a speed faster than I could process, but I wasn’t afraid of this. Thanks to my old age, I saw all of this as a brilliant new experience, which I planned to savor until my last moment in this world.
Looking around, I saw the exit and walked over to it. The floor, walls, and ceiling were all made out of enchanted gold with a lot of concentrated Magic Energy flowing through it. There was some sort of weird writing on the walls, which I planned on studying at a later date.
As I stepped out, I was met with an unbelievable sight.
“By the gods! Did she… did she build all of this?” I asked myself as I looked at the wide scenery of kilometers and kilometers spread before me.
I gulped, and with an unsteady step, I descended on the stairs of this golden pyramid, which was actually Yandrea’s Core Room.
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