~ Chapter 28: Nanya's pranks (Part 2) ~
I think it went like this: We speak of sentient artificial intelligence and sentient alien life outside of Earth as though they are enemies which we must hate for the simple fact that they are not human. However, what makes a human, human? Is it the bones and flesh of our bodies or is it our minds and souls? I believe it’s the latter, for once we speak of flesh, there are many differences even within our species to make us hate each other to no end. Of this, we see proof in the racism and xenophobic behavior many display for no other reason than just the fact that other people look different. Therefore, I believe that in order to perceive without prejudice those different than us from their very basic physical construction, we must remember that if we have the same soul, emotions, and even thought patterns, then we are pretty much the same. I thought, but I had the feeling these weren’t his exact words.
Anyway, he was right.
My experience alone in this world could confirm these words. Despite me, Shanteya, Ayuseya, Nanya, Tuberculus, and the many others at this academy being different from the point of view of our species to the locations of our births, we could still live together on the same plot of land without jumping at each other’s throats. Honestly speaking, I had yet to witness any fights between students, or one of them spouting speciesist remarks at someone. Aside from them, I was a rather curious case because as far as I knew, dungeons were jerks in general.
I know for certain that it doesn’t matter how you are born. I was a human before, so simply hating or discriminating against someone just because they don’t have a body like mine is wrong. Our souls are more or less the same… It’s certainly not right… Dankyun’s views are wrong, I’m certain of it! I thought as I shook my head.
If he saw the draconians as superior to humans or other species, it was wrong. Maybe it was biologically correct, but morally, it wasn’t. Unfortunately, I couldn’t do anything about it in that moment. These were things which were strongly embedded in society. To be able to change any of those, I had to become a very powerful being someone had no way of contesting against.
Does this mean that I want to teach?
The sudden thought popped in my mind, and I blinked surprised. I didn’t mind the idea, but was there a way to do something like that? I could speak to them of the things I knew from my previous world, but I wasn’t an expert in any of those, and I had no idea if there were similar examples in this world to which the students could relate to.
I let the thought go and flew off to find Nanya. The teenage-looking teacher was minding her own business guarding the students from the soldiers. I had no idea what happened to those I punished before, but she most likely handled it with care, seeing as there was no fuss about it afterwards.
“Nanya, are you bored yet?” I asked as I approached her.
Thanks to the little perk of her being my wife, she spotted me immediately and raised an eyebrow in reply.
“That bad, huh?”
“Things are a bit too quiet for my liking. Dankyun is behaving too…” she expressed her concern on the matter as she looked towards the temporary camp set up by the soldiers.
“Tuberculus was having a chat with him a moment ago. Something about him pulling the draconian students to his side?” I informed her.
“Hm…” she looked down and rubbed her chin.
“You think he’s up to something bad?”
“It’s a bit hard to say. The Dankyun I know was a fake he created just to steal my sword. The real one is still a mystery, but one thing I know for certain is that he views draconians as the best species out of all of them. He would be far more inclined towards listening to one of his own than a human or elf. After that, I know that he dislikes those weaker than him and shows somewhat respect towards those more powerful than him.”
“Basically, if you are human and weaker than him, you are completely ignored. If you are weaker and a draconian, you have one shot at being listened to, but the weaker you are, the more likely it is that he will look down on you?” I asked.
“Sort of, but to add to your words, if you are weaker than him, you are looked down upon no matter the species.” she shook her head and sighed “I can’t believe a man like him is a Supreme.”
“Aren’t others much worse than him?” I asked.
“Yes, Paramanium Draconian Supremes are the worst bunch, but they won’t move without being ordered to. Those could be just rumors, however. I have yet to meet any of them. The only Supremes I know are those of Shoraya, Dreziurne and Pendaros, who are lower Supremes. They are quite kind towards others. I also know that the third continent has far more Supremes, but I never met any of them personally.” she let out another sigh and looked up at me. With a smirk on her lips she then told me “Let’s pull some pranks on Dankyun’s soldiers!”
“Huh? Are you sure about this? Won’t they get mad?” I asked.
“Let them, but as long as they don’t find out who pulled the pranks, everything will be alright!” she gave a thumbs up.
Between the two of us, she had to be the stealthy one. I was already invisible and mostly undetectable as long as I didn’t open my mouth. Nanya sneaked up inside their camp and hid in one of the bushes. The soldiers occupied most of the back garden, making a mess of all the bushes and flower patches. 17 tents were raised all over the place, and roles were assigned to each and every one of them. While a part of them slept, the other kept watch. This way, they didn’t need to worry about surprise attacks. They had a cook, a few who cleaned the messy armor, some who handled the weapons and sharpened them, while the three commanders beneath Dankyun was handling the training of the weakest of them. If I didn’t know better, I would say I was looking at an army camp in the middle of a war zone. They were on the ground of a Magic Academy, they shouldn’t have acted so strictly and cautiously. The air around the place was really tense. Even I could feel the pressure these soldiers had to deal with, but they could all be possible enemies, so feeling pity for the pranks we were about to play on them was out of the question.
The first one Nanya had planned was what I would call a classic. The target was the cook, who was currently in the middle of preparing a large batch of soup.
“Extra spicy Tongue Blister Pepper.” she said with a smirk as she pulled it out of her pocket.
I squinted my eyes at the small black pepper. It didn’t look that dangerous, but knowing Nanya, there was a high chance I was wrong about it.
“What do you want to do with it?” I asked.
“Not me, you!” she grinned and offered me the thing.
“Huh?” I blinked surprised.
“Take it over to the pot and squeeze the seeds out of it. Those are extra hot! Then drop the rest in the barrel of water over there.” she pointed at the pot and then at a big barrel not far from it.
Speaking of which, where did they get all of that stuff? I didn’t remember them carrying around huge barrels and pots of that size.
“Alright.” I said and using [Telekinezy] I picked up the black pepper and flew over there.
The mission was accomplished quickly and then I returned to Nanya. She was giggling about it.
“How long will we have to wait?” I asked.
“We’ll hear the results.” she smirked and then moved away from there.
The next target was one of the guards who kept bragging about how beautiful his wife back home was. Even I was getting curious about her when I heard him.
“She be as gentle as a moon’s ray, as beautiful as a lily, and supple as a noble maiden! Ah! Me beloved is waiting fo’ me, and I can’t wait to snuggle up in her arms! Did I tell you about the time…” he said and the other guard rolled his eyes.
“YES! More than a hundred times already! Even the rocks are bored with it already! And I swear to the God of War, if you dare say the story of how you met her for the first time again, I’m going to grab you by the tail and toss you to the first Dayuk pack I see!” retorted the other guard, trying his best not to unsheathe his sword and swing it at his neck.
“Aw, I thought you like it!” he said looking a bit down.
The draconian threw him a glare and then looked away, trying to focus on his job.
Meanwhile, not that far away from where those two were, me and Nanya were listening to the whole thing while laying low behind a thick bush.
“So… what exactly are we going to do to them?” I whispered to her.
“Ssh! I’m thinking…” she said squinting her eyes and furrowing her brow.
Nanya was trying to concentrate. On the other hand, I could only think of banana peels and some stuff I saw on TV or over the net. Just thinking about them, I realized they really weren’t that funny. Some were rather scary and bad, while others would have ended up quite bad if the ones being pranked had some sort of weapon on them.
“Should I try to Colly Tos their pants away?” I asked a bit bored.
“Illsssy…” Nanya looked up at me with a glare, while a pair of pink panties floated down from above.
“Sorry.” I said, and she snatched them from the air.
“Hm.” she squinted her eyes at me. “Target the skinny one and try to use that spell on him, but this time, FOCUS!” she glared and crossed her hands at her chest.
“Alright…” I looked over at my new target.
I concentrated on stealing only and only his pants. If he didn’t have a [No Steal] enchantment on him, then it would work.
“Colly Tos!” I said after I focused really really hard.
Something appeared in front of me and fell down on the ground. It was white and certainly not a pair of pants. Looking at Nanya, I saw that she was still dressed and her pair of panties was in her right hand, so it certainly wasn’t hers. I knew what Shanteya was wearing, so she was off the list too.
“What is this?” I asked as I used telekinezy to pick the piece of cloth and lift it up in the air.
It was huge, even bigger than Nanya was. I wondered if it was a blanket or something.
“What is this thing?” the teenage-looking asked just as surprised.
“A flag? A bed sheath?” I asked as I lifted the thing by the other end.
It was indeed over 2.5 meters in length, but it couldn’t be… could it?
“AH! Me wife’s treasured panties is be missing! It was me lucky charm! Did I drop it?” I heard the skinny draconian say as he searched through all of his pockets for the giant piece of cloth I was holding in my telekinetic hands.
“Oh for the love of… I’m going over there, and don’t you dare come close to me!” said the other guard annoyed beyond his limit.
Nanya was trying hard not to laugh.
“Hehe! I know draconian women are huge, but this is ridiculous!”
I wasn’t laughing. I was frozen in both fear and shock. I was holding in my hands a pair giant panties. They weren’t even of the cute kind, they were plain, really plain.
Taking a deep breath, I folded the panties back into a ball and then tossed them back at the skinny guard. It was direct hit in the head, which made Nanya barely contain her laughter.
“Me lucky charm! Huh? Where did come from? Did a god send them my way? Oh, bless be the heavens!” said the draconian man, hugging the pair of giant underwear.
The soldier didn’t bother trying to find out where they came from, so as soon as he was out of our sight, Nanya burst into a loud laughter.
“It’s not funny!” I groaned.
“Hahaha! But Illsy! I can’t stop! BUHAHAHA! That’s one broken spell! Even when you focused on only one item, you managed to get the only thing of any connection to a female, a pair of giant panties! BUHAHAHA! I guess size doesn’t matter!” she laughed rolling on the ground.
“I can’t help it! The spell is broken! Also, I have a weight limit…” I complained.
“Hooo? What if Ayuseya reaches that size?” she asked with a big grin.
“I’ll invent the treadmill.” I replied quickly.
“Trea…trelmilg? What’s that?” she asked blinking surprised and tilting her head to the left.
“A magic device that helps you lose weight.” I squinted my eyes at her.
“Hahaha! What’s up with that? Just buy a weight losing potion! Also, don’t you know? Being fat means your rich. Some nobles even have competitions to see who has the biggest belly! I saw some human noble once who was fatter than his pregnant wife, who was in the 9th month! Buhahaha!” she continued to laugh.
Weight losing potion? I better learn how to make those before they invent fast food. I’ll make a killing! Sell food on one end of the dungeon and the weight losing potion on the other. Perfect! Still… belly size competitions? I thought as I looked at the giggling teenage-looking teacher.
“Alright, wifey, what’s the next prank we’re going to pull?” I asked trying to change the subject.
“Oh, right! We’re going to put oil on the handles of their swords!” she smirked.
“Isn’t that dangerous?” I asked.
“Who cares?” she shrugged and walked off. “Pfft, giant panties…”
With a sigh, I followed her back to the other side of the soldier camp. We hid behind one of the tents and using my [Telekinezy] spell, I managed to pour the slimy, slippery oil on the hilts of the swords placed tip down in a barrel. I could still grab them without a problem, though. The last thing we did before we left was to pour itching powder on the training grounds and mix it up with the mud there. Every tumble the soldiers took would end up sending them in a itching frenzy.
Once we were done, we sat back and enjoyed the show…
“AARGH! Too hot!” shouted the first victim who dared to taste the effect of the Tongue Blister Pepper.
Nanya was giggling already, seeing him head straight for the barrel of water.
“THIS IS HOTTER!” he screamed as he ran left and right, trying to extinguish the flames in his throat.
His only solution ended up using magic. Using a spell that summoned a water ball, he shot it up in the air and stood right under it when it fell down. It wouldn’t extinguish the flames in his throat, but it was good for a temporary reliever.
“Watch out!” screamed one of the soldiers who used the sword with the slipper handle.
The blade flew through the air and stabbed the ground between the feet of one of them. The man was ‘this close’ to ending up unable to sire children. Seeing this, he fainted a moment later, causing a great explosion of laughter from Nanya. The other soldiers were also laughing, both at the unfortunate fellow and the ones trying to grab the handles of the swords.
Over at the training grounds, two serious looking draconians were trying to measure their strengths against each other. It was going to be a wrestling competition, the perfect thing to get them all dirty and covered in itchy mud. Even I was waiting to see the funny result.
After a few tumbles, the men started to scratch like crazy. They went out of the ring and jumped straight in the pond in front of the gazebo. The itching dust was quite strong, but the water weakened the effect.
Of course, no one suspected the two of us to be the actual pranksters, and instead, the draconian soldiers blamed one another. It even ended up with a battle between a few, which their commanders broke up shortly after. Those weren’t the only victims of our pranks, but the end result was more or less the same, draconians itching all over, screaming ‘HOT!’, and grown males barely able to hold a sword in their hands.
“Well, that was fun! Nihihi!” said Nanya with a smirk.
“I suppose.” I replied.
We were walking through the forest, going around the camp to head back to the academy.
“And you with those giant panties! That was really funny!” she laughed.
“Don’t remind me, I’ll get nightmares… Speaking of which, who invented panties anyway?” I asked.
“Who knows?” she shrugged “Maybe the God of Panties?” she snickered.
It was a joke, I knew that, but there was something like the God of Big Boobs, so maybe…
Nah! It can’t be! I shook my head and firmly denied the existence of such a god.
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