~ At the end of January ~

It is once again the end of the month, and I find myself constricted by the chains of stress and unease. Last year, I began thesylthorian.com with great dreams and desires for the future, which over the course of following months have tended to dwindle in the energy that first created them.

Looking back, I can only ask myself what I had done wrong and where I have made that crucial mistake or mistakes that led me to feel as I do now… In a way, I consider that maybe all I did was fail on my path… Did I aim for a star that was far out of my league?

My readers who have been with me on this journey since the previous site, maybe know that over the years, my writing speed decreased significantly. As for why that is, I still have no idea.

Right now, as I write this, I feel stressed, depressed, pressured, and burdened by the swirling emotions inside me that keep telling me to write and write and write, but when I pick up the pen, I find it to be as heavy as a mountain.

It’s upsetting and frustrating.

I hate this part of myself, but I also know that hate won’t ever bring me or anyone anything good, so I am forced to try and find a way to forgive it and somehow heal it.

It’s kind of strange to speak of a wound that’s not physical, but just because I’m plagued by it now doesn’t mean that it’s going to be here forever!

Yeah, it hurts! Yeah, it’s frustrating! Yeah, it’s annoying and makes me want to scream sometimes, but none of these are a good reason for me to give up and call it quits! Heck, that sort of thought isn’t even on my mind.

I know that I have to get over this. I know I have to figure out what the hell this pain is. Maybe it’s the desire of change? Maybe it’s the desire to do less or maybe quite the opposite, to do more?

For now, I don’t know… I’ll keep struggling with it. This article here is a way for me to let out these emotions and easen the burden on my heart, so do forgive the depressing note.

(...)

Did I fail myself? Did I fail my readers? Did I fail God?

Scratch that last part, failing God is a bit hard to do when you wish to follow his Divine Plan.

Maybe I consider that I had failed myself by no accomplishing all that I wanted to do. I tried To Do Lists, rigorous schedules, loose schedules, all sort of time management tricks and tips and absolutely nothing worked so far.

Do I lack the ability to do it? No! In the pursuit of your own dreams you never lack the ability to achieve it, you never lack the strength, but you CAN lose your way. You CAN be derailed by life and your own health…

Does this mean you have to give up on your dream? No. On the contrary, it means you aren’t beaten yet. It means that there’s still more to give and try, and maybe all you need is that last spur to get you back up on your feet.

One downhill on the road doesn’t mean you will reach a dead end. An infinite negative slope can only exist in the realm of theoretical mathematics, not in real life, unless you yourself make it so.

(...)

I don’t think I failed my readers because admitting that I failed them is the same thing as stepping on their belief and faith in me as an author.

(...)

So in the end, I’m only crying because I failed myself… At one point in time, somewhere, somehow… I missed a step, I stumbled and then fell, then I stumbled again and so on…

But enough crying! Even if I had failed to achieve my goals so far, even if I had lost my momentum one too many times, it doesn’t mean that I’m at the end of the road! It doesn’t mean that there’s no solution, no way to fix all of this.

I’m just not looking where I should.

So my next goal is simple: I’m getting out of this slump.

(...)

At the end of January, I stand here before my desk, typing this article that started out with a pain in my chest and realizing that while I do want to write and write and write, quality can only be achieved when I myself am in top shape to do it.

Letting go of fears and worries, of stress and guilt is the only way to do it.

I have my bad days and I have my good days. I have my moments of awe inspiration and also my moments when I’m a brain dead zombie.

It’s tough and it hurts when you tumble down the mountain called life, but all you have to do is stop yourself and then climb back up. The first steps will be the most painful ones, but they will be all worth it. And yeah, it might not be the first time you tumble down on this mountain. Sometimes you’ll go farther down and sometimes just a few steps, counting how much you have until you reach the bottom will never ever help you with anything.

When you fall down, when you are at the bottom, what you have to do is look up at the goal, at the flag at the top of the mountain and realize that you yourself were the one who placed it there in the first place.

(...)

I know this wasn’t the chapter you have been looking for, but thank you for reading till the end. If you think there’s anything I should try to get better, please suggest it in the comments below. You never know where the rabbit will pop out.

Note from the author: Thank you for reading this article! I hope you enjoyed it and maybe learned something new! 🙂

Check out my books!

You never know what you might find!

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Countless hours of fun and adventure!

I am grateful for any and all of your support! Thank you!

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Kohl P. Mikael
Guest
Dear Cristian Madalin Dragomir, If I may be so allowed, I would like to make note of something. While I am well aware that this is something of a rant, at points, if I may be so allowed to use that term, but even so I ask that you consider it thoughtfully. In my own experience, which is, in a sense, my only resource from which to judge such things, rants such as these, the like of which I myself have been at times responsible for, may be seen to reveal something of one’s own innermost thoughts, as it were.… Read more »
Andy
Guest
I’m an artist just now recovering from a 2 year slump. I had no energy or motivation, I had ideas but no inspiration to follow them through, it sucked. Finally I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with major depression and anhedonia – not an attitude failure on m part, or anything other than my brain not making the right neurotransmitters. A combination of zoloft and abilify completely turned that around… I’m the same person, the meds aren’t putting me in an altered state… but with my creative drive and ability to enjoy the world renewed. It is a… Read more »
Katrina Ruth McNicol
Guest

Don’t give up on yourself, we all follow you for your amazing talent at weaving stories and I hope you feel better soon – a thought for you to maybe follow up on – another author I follow is Jean Johnson and she has just discovered that her anxiety and inability to focus (even with stories clamouring to be written) is due to adult adhd, it presents very differently to what we expect from seeing children go through it, and may be worth checking out

Erkenwald
Member

Maybe some Sidestories or meaningless joke storys could ease your mood?

Stephen Kingsley
Guest

I have faced similar periods and dilemmas with my own writing.

What you could do or might want to do is work on other stories, now I am not saying abandon 100 luck, Blessing, and Magic Academy, rather still try to write for one or the other when you can, but focus on a new(er) concept, either similar in design to most of your stories, which take influence from one another, or something more original, so to speak, but still in the same vein.

Anyways, hope this helps and hope that you recover your drive and inspiration and such.

Edwarus
Guest

You are doing a great man. It’s probably the stress from all the readers you have and you want to do a good job for them. Kinda like compound interest it just keeps building. Maybe try and get in the mindset of just wanting to create awesome worlds for your awesome self. Who knows might work.

Trent Baker
Guest
Keep the faith. I’ll say true, the emailed chapter updates of your various ongoing works are the highlight of my day whenever they come through. I thoroughly enjoy diving back into those stories each time the opportunity presents. But first and foremost, long before you ever think of entertaining your readership, you have to keep your own enjoyment and mental health a priority. You’ve been putting pen to paper and knocking out content at a rather ferocious rate, which we appreciate! But don’t go burning out on us. Relax, take a breather, do something you’ve never done before for a… Read more »
Lunati4ko
Guest

Just have fun and enjoy yourself. Your stories are the best when you do 🙂

GeyserGod
Guest
I have read every chapter of every story you have posted, and can honestly say your work is some of the best I have read. Is there a large group that likes the genre that you have chosen to write? From what I have seen on amazon and other reading sites no, the whole reading group is about 40,000. So any thing that is promoting a feeling of lacking I urge you to look at the bigger picture for I feel that you will find not that no one likes your stuff, or that you failed at anything, but that… Read more »
Smercholeg
Guest

You write good stories, don’t worry, just let your imagination lead you. But please no more arcs with self pity MC, it only awakes anger for him.

Troy
Guest
I have been reading your stories since ~the release of chapter 35 of magic academy on the old site. I rarely if ever commented thus far, but i truly appreciate what you’ve done with these stories. It’s okay to take a break from writing if you need it, but i hope if you do, you will eventually return to return to the stories in progress. You have written at a much greater frequency than I could maintain. If you are having issues writing when you sit down, you might want to try carrying a small notepad with you. Inspiration can… Read more »
Deathy
Guest

you have not failed us!!! you have written your heart out which is shown in your stories. I have enjoyed and love your writing and hope that you know that as long as you continue to write amazing and beautiful works. You will never fail us!! Just remember that no matter what you do we, your readers, will always be behind you!!

the reader
Guest

Love your work keep doing your best and take your time I’ve seen translators and writers on various websites give up on the stories because they got burnt out you are good at what you do and I’m pretty sure the majority of your readers think the same take your time when you need it

WickedOne
Guest

Love your work. Never give up. Thank you for all the hours of great reading, i’m looking forward to more of your work. 😀

Erkenwald
Member

At first you wrote more Poems, maybe you miss them?

eaa
Guest

At least you gat this site! You gat a lot of storys, did you check whow many person read your storys? As one of your fan: I tried to write storys too! End with misery and no salud resault. I can depresed for that but I accept I do not have talent at this art, unlike you! I gues everone doupt himself time to time at the life! I will only hope best for you and I will hope to countinue too read those storys. Please chere up 1 Fun! Read POLYANA it work for me (:

eaa
Guest

At least you gat this site! You gat a lot of storys, did you check whow many person read your storys? As one of your fan: I tried to write storys too! End with misery and no salud resault. I can depresed for that but I accept I do not have talent at this art, unlike you! I gues everone doupt himself time to time at the life! I will only hope best for you and I will hope to countinue too read those storys. Please chere up 1 Fun! (:

Kyle
Guest

I doubt I can give every good advice to solving your problem, but I would like to say thank you for all the wonderful things you have written. I’m praying for you and hoping that you will not lose hope. Anyone who can create what you have created has the power to break through their mental blocks. It may take time or something inspirational in your life to help you through it. But in the end please know that we all wish you well and we know that trying to rush won’t help. You can do this!