~ At the end of January ~

It is once again the end of the month, and I find myself constricted by the chains of stress and unease. Last year, I began thesylthorian.com with great dreams and desires for the future, which over the course of following months have tended to dwindle in the energy that first created them.

Looking back, I can only ask myself what I had done wrong and where I have made that crucial mistake or mistakes that led me to feel as I do now… In a way, I consider that maybe all I did was fail on my path… Did I aim for a star that was far out of my league?

My readers who have been with me on this journey since the previous site, maybe know that over the years, my writing speed decreased significantly. As for why that is, I still have no idea.

Right now, as I write this, I feel stressed, depressed, pressured, and burdened by the swirling emotions inside me that keep telling me to write and write and write, but when I pick up the pen, I find it to be as heavy as a mountain.

It’s upsetting and frustrating.

I hate this part of myself, but I also know that hate won’t ever bring me or anyone anything good, so I am forced to try and find a way to forgive it and somehow heal it.

It’s kind of strange to speak of a wound that’s not physical, but just because I’m plagued by it now doesn’t mean that it’s going to be here forever!

Yeah, it hurts! Yeah, it’s frustrating! Yeah, it’s annoying and makes me want to scream sometimes, but none of these are a good reason for me to give up and call it quits! Heck, that sort of thought isn’t even on my mind.

I know that I have to get over this. I know I have to figure out what the hell this pain is. Maybe it’s the desire of change? Maybe it’s the desire to do less or maybe quite the opposite, to do more?

For now, I don’t know… I’ll keep struggling with it. This article here is a way for me to let out these emotions and easen the burden on my heart, so do forgive the depressing note.

(...)

Did I fail myself? Did I fail my readers? Did I fail God?

Scratch that last part, failing God is a bit hard to do when you wish to follow his Divine Plan.

Maybe I consider that I had failed myself by no accomplishing all that I wanted to do. I tried To Do Lists, rigorous schedules, loose schedules, all sort of time management tricks and tips and absolutely nothing worked so far.

Do I lack the ability to do it? No! In the pursuit of your own dreams you never lack the ability to achieve it, you never lack the strength, but you CAN lose your way. You CAN be derailed by life and your own health…

Does this mean you have to give up on your dream? No. On the contrary, it means you aren’t beaten yet. It means that there’s still more to give and try, and maybe all you need is that last spur to get you back up on your feet.

One downhill on the road doesn’t mean you will reach a dead end. An infinite negative slope can only exist in the realm of theoretical mathematics, not in real life, unless you yourself make it so.

(...)

I don’t think I failed my readers because admitting that I failed them is the same thing as stepping on their belief and faith in me as an author.

(...)

So in the end, I’m only crying because I failed myself… At one point in time, somewhere, somehow… I missed a step, I stumbled and then fell, then I stumbled again and so on…

But enough crying! Even if I had failed to achieve my goals so far, even if I had lost my momentum one too many times, it doesn’t mean that I’m at the end of the road! It doesn’t mean that there’s no solution, no way to fix all of this.

I’m just not looking where I should.

So my next goal is simple: I’m getting out of this slump.

(...)

At the end of January, I stand here before my desk, typing this article that started out with a pain in my chest and realizing that while I do want to write and write and write, quality can only be achieved when I myself am in top shape to do it.

Letting go of fears and worries, of stress and guilt is the only way to do it.

I have my bad days and I have my good days. I have my moments of awe inspiration and also my moments when I’m a brain dead zombie.

It’s tough and it hurts when you tumble down the mountain called life, but all you have to do is stop yourself and then climb back up. The first steps will be the most painful ones, but they will be all worth it. And yeah, it might not be the first time you tumble down on this mountain. Sometimes you’ll go farther down and sometimes just a few steps, counting how much you have until you reach the bottom will never ever help you with anything.

When you fall down, when you are at the bottom, what you have to do is look up at the goal, at the flag at the top of the mountain and realize that you yourself were the one who placed it there in the first place.

(...)

I know this wasn’t the chapter you have been looking for, but thank you for reading till the end. If you think there’s anything I should try to get better, please suggest it in the comments below. You never know where the rabbit will pop out.

Note from the author: Thank you for reading this article! I hope you enjoyed it and maybe learned something new! 🙂

Check out my books!

You never know what you might find!

Check out my Web Novels!

Countless hours of fun and adventure!

I am grateful for any and all of your support! Thank you!

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Mercy
Guest
In spanish (srry) … Hermano mira. Se que es frustrante pero gracias a tu esfuerzo salvaste vidas.. No se cómo decirlo pero gracias a ti y a tus obras… Yo como persona pude mejorar y animarme. Quiero darte gracias por todo y gracias por no dejarlo…….. Si lo lees por favor no te sientas solo o deprimido, yo también lo estuve,creo que aún lo estoy pero no me dejo llevar ya que ha personas que animan a otras personas, que pueden hacer lo que uno no, que regalan un poco de cosas de su felicidad a otros que sin uno… Read more »
Enjoying your thing
Guest

Sounds like your stressing with what you enjoy, because of what we would think if you make a mistake with your stories. It’s ok life is as life does.

We like your stories and want your stories, but not at the cost of you quitting on them.

Take load off and scratch some paper sheets.

Arachnian
Guest
When I get in these sorts of slumps I step back from my emotions and see where they stem from so I can find the best way to relieve them and sometimes it’s not about what’s causing it or what the solution is or how I do the solution it’s more of the fact that we are simply feeling something to feel sometimes it’s helpful and sometimes it’s harmful, in complete honesty I have been reading a lot of your series and find that they are amazing and awe inspiring you may be in a slump now with how many… Read more »
Erethros
Guest
You are feeling a bit depressed my friend. As someone who deals with the fact that everything became bored if I keep doing it for enough time, I reached the conclusion that what I needed to feel again the wish and willing to do that somethings, I just have to switch for another thing, so I’m switching between many activities every few days, playing a video game, reading a story, painting some miniatures, etc. When I feel I’m starting to feel like left that game to do another thing, I do it, and after some time pass by, I feel… Read more »
Camino lopera
Guest

I’m Colombian and maybe you know Gabriel Garcia Marquez when he was writing “100 hundred years alone” ( I don’t know the name in English…) I read it in Spanish. When he was writing this book he wrote a lot of short stories to relax the mind. Try writing something different but short this can “clean” your mind and stimulate(improve) your creativity and imagination

Camino lopera
Guest

First I will ask you. English is your mother language? If the answer is “no” so I advise you to think more in your original language. You are writing in a language that is not “yours” and this generated a kind of headache but is not a headache and a kind of laziness. So I recommend you to write in your native language and make more activities with it ( studying doesn’t count). This is something that sometimes happened to me and I fix it this way, maybe you have the same that me.

Zachary Venne
Guest
This may help. You are writing 5 stories at the same time right now. With constant releases on two, sporadic releases on the third, yearly releases on the fourth, and no releases on the last. You may be trying to figure five story lines in your head as you write. Try focusing on one story line until you finished a book with occasional releases on a second story line. As you work slowly rotate which story line you focus on as you finish a book. Let me give you an example. Drew Hayes wrote the Super Powered book series at… Read more »
Vilidious
Guest
Well, basically stop worrying or thinking about it is my opinion, and have some fun. The more and more you stress and try to focus on one thing, the less creative you are, because creativity is about an open mind and breaking boundaries. If you see a fact or thing in your story that “must be”, then ask yourself: does it really? Play with thoughts and ideas without worrying about perfection. If readers understand the message, it’s good enough. In a word, I think you’re trying to corner yourself and set yourself on self-imposed rails, and that’s the problem. If… Read more »
Michael
Guest
The Iliad and the Odyssey wasn’t written in 1 day or even 1 year you no more failed your reader’s then yourself to fail you would have to give up! As you have yet to do this you’ve yet to truly fail you just missed a deadline you yourself set (and maybe the most nitpicky of your readers but I hope there are none). When you fail to hit a deadline do what my grandmother always said to do say your sorry slap your cheeks and look back at what happened and think on how to fix it. If you… Read more »
Silent_reader
Guest

If you fall down just get back up an rub it off…. If you’ve lost your way just ask for directions……. If you hit a wall pick up your hammer and break it down…. If you’re stumped just ask others for some opinions….. Don’t forget that to become better can take both patience and braking through your limits.

dwerty87
Guest
i been reading your works just lately , but i already read all of them to current date. i always wonder, how do you keep writing different piece of story like these? wont u feel burdened? do you have several other team for each stories to help you keep track the “FEEL” of your story? for me, to write each other story, i need to prepare and emotionally ready as to grasp the “FEEL” of the character , and it take quite some time to prepare. and the way you do multi lot work is impossible for me. why dint… Read more »
petaaa
Guest

I just want to say that you have written many stories/chapthers that can brighten any depressing or rainy day, you can make people feel warm inside and inspire people too, heck these chapters always make another week worth living in, so keep up the work, and take some breaks it might help.

bob bobfry
Guest
Your work is my favorite out of all of the novels, manga, anime and comics that I have read or watched. I can guarantee that as long as this site is online I will continue to check it for updates, even if you go years without a post. I have another story that I have been waiting for an update for 3 years, and I enjoy each of your novels more than that one. I don’t care about speed of posting, I will always be coming back here to read. I also still find it fun to reread Dungeon Academy… Read more »
Gege
Member

At first I want to say something good for you, but after reading some of the other comments for you, I think my comment is not good enough and all those other are already plenty.
But I just want to ask this ; Whats the meaning of (…) ? Paragraph break or something? There are 5 of it.

Firehaven
Guest

I love your work. I just wanted to say that first. Also, each week I look forward to your next chapter. reading your work is always a bright spot in the week.

Not sure what I can do to help improve your writing except be supportive.

DemonCooler
Guest
I have been reading your work for quite some time now, and one thing I can say is that you do a darn fine job of keeping a high quality and well thought out story line. If trying to continue at a high pace is going to hurt that I would much rather you take a break for a month or so or even just slow your release pace down to a level you feel you can manage. At the end of the day this should be something you WANT to do, not something you HAVE to do. Regardless of… Read more »
bob bobfry
Guest

I agree, as stories progress it is harder and harder to add each new chapter. That is likely the cause of your writing slowing down. You subconsciously have to check through the entire story before adding anything new.

Wing999
Guest
Well I have been enthralled with a lot of your writing so far. If you need advice I would suggest taking a step back, then take a breather before you view your projects that you have running then finish them one at a time, if you have to slow down then slow down no one will hold it against you…at least I won’t hold it against you. I just want to see more quality awesome stories that have going. The first two books of yours that I read were; 100 luck in the Dragon tamer skill then that rising of… Read more »
Anthony
Guest

Do you feel like you know what you have to do but then when you sit down you just can’t seem to do it? If so then I thinking it’s a planning issue. If you write down specifically what you are going to do including content, action, and time throughout the week I find that helps me with my goals.

Shadow Walker
Guest

You talk about faith. I refer you to the book of David. In the Psalms he would talk about not only the praise that he had for God but he would also lay out all of his troubles all of his anxieties and even in one of the Psalms he lays out his frustrations I refer you to the book of David and inspire you and give you the courage and the heart to go on.

-M-
Guest
You could try what Benjamin Franklin of U.S.A. and french fame did when the stresses of his duties as ambassador to France started to impact his health: He found a place, a “retreat”, where he lived on simple home made food and, between walks through the countryside and bed rest prescribed due to his health concerns, examined his position in life. That is to say his goals, his origins, and how he got there; but without the specifics of the actions of any of the people involved, only the specifics of the people. After about two weeks he would recover… Read more »
Carasss
Guest

All my support to you!!

Zzleepy
Guest
If we somehow, through some divine miracle, manage to always stay positive no matter what; then that feeling of positivity would be so shallow that we would never even notice it was there. Whether it is because we feel depressed, we fall ill or some way or another feel down, the first step is always to acknowledge that something may be out of place. In this message I think you passed that part without a doubt. Next is to come up with a plan to deal with it I suppose. Whether that solution is to take a break or to… Read more »
Koki
Guest
I think i started following you back when MA had just 5 chapters, when i stumbled upon the story… i fell for it. Kept checking for updates every day, even now. I once wrote that you inspired me to write my own stories, and i did start a site… two years now since i updated it… a week after i started writing i got a new job and it drains me. I keep thinking about those stories from time to time, but i got no will to continue right now. At my best friends wedding i got drunk and sat… Read more »
John whiskey
Guest

Make a guideline about what enevnts you want to happen in your story’s, then you just have to fill in the interactions leading up to those events if your not already doing this

shyll
Guest

I’m simply impressed from the length and depth.
It might take me more than a day in the right mood, to write somthing like this.
And I just wanted to write, so no need to reply.