~ Chapter 12: The weak me… ~

[Yandrea’s point of view]

The Godlike Dungeon who rules over this vast dungeon was in a way three different individuals... There was the Yandrea that those who lived on the surface knew about, the tamed pet of the royals. There was the Yandrea that Tuby knew, the domineering and powerful Dungeon Lord who held everyone at her fingertips. And lastly, there was the Yandrea who only a few knew off and out of them... none had lived to tell the tale.

Where I sent Tuby right now, that was the place where this third one could be found... the one who was locked up behind lock and key deep inside my heart.

In order to sell the tale of the domineering Dungeon, for a while, I even had to convince myself that I could act like this, but in front of those who forced themselves upon me to gain the title of Slave and those who lived within my dungeon for the longest of time, I could not show them this... lie. It was not that I did not want to do it but rather that I could not do it. The best I could tell them was that this was a part of the plan to make the next ritualistic ceremony a success.

Ah... the ceremony... It was nothing more than a periodic event during which the upcoming heirs of the countries above the ground would gather and travel all the way to the lowest level of my dungeons in order to ‘suppress’ me. It was the way the old rulers passed down the torch to the younger generation. It was also a way for me to meet my future owners.

For the Reiss, it was called the Ceremony of Decent. For the Forglore, it was the Ritual of Suppression. For the Negvar Elves, it was the Ceremony of Renewal... For the commoners, it was something simple... the Hero Festival. They gave it fancy names and made-up beautiful stories of heroes long past in order to prove the might of their royal families. This was why there was balance between the three nations. If one of the kingdoms dared to overstep their bounds, they could be threatened with the truth, ending up losing the support of their people. It was a politically suicidal move that would collapse all three of them at the same time... but it worked only if one of the royal families declared it in unison, otherwise, it could be a trick of the evil Dungeon or some other made-up devil.

There were times in the past when this fragile balance almost came to an end, until they implemented these ceremonies. Every 10 years, any new ruler or upcoming ruler would need to prepare and travel to the depths of my dungeon in order to prove to his subjects that he could ‘tame’ me.

Thus, armed with their best weapons and ordering an entire army to pave the way through my corridors filled with traps and monsters, they would then descend. The journey would take them 30 days, during which, the number of casualties would become the stain on that leader’s path towards glory.

Yandrea’s role in all of this... my role in this was to create the perfect stage for them. Build up a cause for their self-entitled justice. It mattered not if I harbored a fugitive from the law, prepared some grandmaster plot to eradicate all life in existence... or simply was a tyrant for the species who lived under my care.

They would come down and destroy everything I built. They would rip apart my creations and set fire to my monsters. They would use words like ‘justice’, ‘faith’, ‘divine providence’, and ‘prophecy’ to make their campaign against me more palpable for the masses who lived under them. The rulers had to be the ‘heroes’, they had to force me into obedience every time like clockwork... and as a result of my submission to them, I would have to build a grand statue in their name.

The Temple of Heroes... that was not the place where I immortalized those who were brave enough to challenge me. No, that was a place created to show everyone just who in the past achieved in their ‘heroic’ duty of suppressing me.

But why this entire charade for a single man?

Tuberculus... was the only one so far with whom I have made a spouse contract. None of the Watchers... the Slaves... knew about it. This is my most well-kept secret. If the royals knew about it, they would do anything to use it to torment me more.

When I found him in my dungeons back then, at first, I did not know what to do. Usually, when I encountered a strange creature or spell like this, I was supposed to report it to one of the Watchers so that the royals could deal with it. Right when I was about to do this, however, I saw something at the end of the corridor... another anomaly.

It was the cutest and fluffiest tiny black feline I had ever seen. She looked up at me with her black beady eyes, and I just stared into them, captivated by some mysterious force until she walked out of my sight. With the trance broken, I rushed there to find it, but it was gone.

I then looked back at the injured creature, the first anomaly. There was definitely something strange about this one as well. He was different, strange, and wore weird clothes, but he was definitely neither a Reiss, nor a Forglore, nor a Negvar Elf. He was something else... and maybe it was because of this that I decided to come up with the weirdest of plans.

A spouse was something I never had. It would have been nice to have one... especially if he was not one of those who lived on the surface... or at the very least from somewhere far away. I got excited just by thinking about it, and so... with a quick plan made up, I got into my role and asked the big question, the one that would chain the two of us through a unique contract.

Despite how it may have looked, asking this took a lot of courage from me… more than I thought was needed. My biggest worry at that time was that he would reject me.

When he said yes, I felt an explosion of happiness filling my heart. This was the first time in centuries, but I quickly reigned in my emotions, since if I became a fool because of them, a Watcher would take notice and immediately report it to the royals. I could not afford to lose Tuberculus... I would not!

“Even if I have to start slaughtering all of them... and die trying, I will still do it as long as he loves me and only me... and stays with me and becomes mine... only mine...” was what I told myself back then as I was feeling this strange rush of emotions.

Shortly after returning to my Crystal Body, before waking him up, I began to prepare the stage for his awakening. Centuries of taking up various roles for the royals, from crazy psychopaths to clueless idiots, prepared me for this moment. So, it was easy to imagine and pretend to be a domineering and powerful Dungeon, Godlike just like my species’ name.

It was an act... an act that I had to balance with the perfect rebellion for the royals. So, after taking Tuberculus inside my Inner Mind, I began to plan, but at the same time, I also studied this mysterious creature. I undressed him and looked through his possessions. I looked at his wrinkled face and wondered if that was just how his species looked like or if he was the older version of his kind. I analyzed his biology, to see if he ate the same things that could be found in my dungeon or if I had to introduce something new. There was also a question about his reproductive ability and whether or not I could have him mate with the female ornaks or ellyarian if he really needed it for his survival... if not, he had to look only at me.

Among his possessions, I found books and notes of his studies. Tuberculus Firerage was a teacher, apparently, and a scholar of Dungeons. He studied my kind... but in a different way than the those on the surface. Upon reading his notes, I found his thoughts on the Dungeon he saw as his own child... Illsyore. He was a Godlike just like me, but he was brought into being by Tuberculus’ abilities and extensive knowledge of our kind.

There were many notes about his failures too... Attempts upon attempts to fuse one crystal after another, even going so far as to beg a Dungeon to let him study them. He did absolutely everything he could, but in the end, I could see that all this... all of his studies were just one big distraction from the real worry in his life.

Nanya Demonarkiar... a half-Dungeon and the biggest love of his life.

Among those notes, I read about his passion and struggle to accept her and to be with her, but in the end, he failed. This woman never answered to his heart’s calls and instead saw him only as a friend. Despite knowing this, Tuberculus found it hard to give up his emotions for her, so he struggled and struggled to stay by her side. When his strength proved to be too weak, he turned to studying Dungeons in order to help him grow stronger, ultimately ending up obsessed with it.

Nanya was the one who pulled him out of his obsession, but by this time, it was already too late for him to look for a new love or start anew... he was getting old. Thus, as a last-ditch effort in this life of his, he tried to make the Fellyore Academy a place which would never discriminate against one’s species and would always strive to help the students grow stronger and wiser. He hoped that through this academy, Nanya and all those like her would find a place to feel welcomed.

When I read those lines... I cried.

Of all the beings that I have met so far. Of all the fake liars who wore a mask of kindness, Tuberculus was the only one who expressed his true intention of living in harmony with Dungeons if it was possible. He did not want to force me to kill others. He did not want to put a slave collar around my neck and order me around to build great temples for them. He did not want to use me in any way... he just wanted to live in harmony with me.

The sincerity I felt in those words of his. The love he expressed for this Nanya... they were so pure; I could hardly believe it.

Initially, I thought that maybe instead of keeping him for myself, I could try to send him back to this woman, but I quickly abandoned this thought. If this Nanya could not see how great of a man Tuberculus was, then she did not deserve him. He had to be mine and mine alone...

And if I happened to meet her, would I end up killing her? Hunting her? Ripping her to shreds? No... as long as Tuby had no eyes for her... then it didn’t matter.

Luckily for her... I found more recent notes in which he confessed to having been able to take a step forward from his lifetime obsession with her. While he did not give up on her by a long shot, there was now a good chance for me to steal him from her. All I had to do... was to make him fall in love with me.

The first part, the lie about me being powerful and domineering, of controlling the fates of all those above and below the surface was already set in motion, then I had to heal him and slowly capture his heart. It could take months or years, but I would not give up. I still had more than 8 years until the next descent of the Royals. If by that time, Tuby fell in love with me... then I could welcome with a smile any torture and shame those surface dwellers brought upon me.

Even if they called me out with the worst insults possible. Even if they shamed me and humiliated me. Even if they destroyed my creations in front of me. Even if they ripped apart my Crystal Core to make jewels for their crowns... I would be able to survive it. I would be able to get through it... As long as Tuby would stay with me... I could endure it.

This was what I believed back then, this was what I wanted to happen, but I never expected to take so long to heal him properly, his anatomy was completely foreign to me. Then, after he woke up, instead of taking my time to make him fall in love with me, I had to rush left and right to prepare for the descent of the Royals. I thought that maybe I could fool him and distract him long enough for this event to pass safely, but I did not expect him to find out about the planned rebellion.

I thought I had everything worked out. I thought that my plan was infallible. This was why I waited so much before I woke him up. I had to practice my persona. I had to make changes to my dungeon. I had to make a special automaton that would have functions designed to help him out and keep him away from any unknown variable, yet even with all of that... mistakes were made.

An adventurer used a teleportation crystal to somehow end up on my floor. A newly-made Slave was being a headache and constantly called for me to the upper levels for even the most menial of tasks. A new generation of noble children ended up getting lost in my corridors and had to be rescued one by one... and this was just the beginning.

Whenever I returned to Tuby, I had to put on the most harmless and cutest act I could think of. Sometimes, I made a slip or two, but it did not seem like he noticed them. However, there might have been a strange transition in my behavior... from a powerful and domineering Dungeon to a cute one... in which some of my natural traits emerged.

I could not help it... Being together with Tuberculus, having him embrace me in my Inner Mind, it made me feel safe and protected. In his arms, hearing his heartbeat, feeling his chest go up and down with each breath, I felt warm, welcomed.

Lying to him became harder and harder... and I accidentally let it slip that I loved cute and furry animals. It was not something a domineering and powerful Godlike Dungeon should do, it was not something my cold and aloof persona was supposed to have. I expected him to... hate this part of me. I kept thinking back at how the others treated me, how they reacted to my precious things... Yet, he was nothing like that. Tuby embraced me and accepted this weak side of mine... he accepted me so much that I felt like I could reveal to him how weak and cowardly... how broken I was, but I never could.

As days went by, I tried to hide from him and find an occupation in my dungeon, to fix one thing there, solve another there, whatever I could to appear as though I was a busy person. Truth be told, most of my dungeon was easily maintained by the enormous amount of Magic Energy that I kept pouring into it. This was also one of the reasons why I was leveling up so slowly. The more expansive the dungeon, the harder it was for the Dungeon to level up.

The one joy I had in these past weeks was the fact that Tuby wanted to spend more time with me. He also wanted to become stronger... so I indulged him and created a special little area just for the two of us. What I did not expect was how expansive his knowledge of magic was... I read his notes but hearing him theorize in front of me and giving me pointers was amazing. I was able to quickly learn those spells and even thought about a few of my own, but in front of those monsters and those chains of theirs... these spells were nothing more than party tricks. Still, it was fun and relaxing... it was an event just for the two of us... a moment just for us... relaxing and beautiful, a date among carnage and death, magic and destruction.

Eventually, all the lies and falsehoods I had sprinkled around Tuby ended up being burned by the truth that was slowly making its way past everything. He found clues here and there and slowly discovered that what I told him was anything but the truth, a facade, a shadow of reality... a puppet show.

“Yandrea... I do not mind the secrets... I do not mind your caution, but tell me... Tell me, Yandrea, how can I stay calm and pretend that I am both blind and deaf when I see your beautiful body harmed by others? In that day, when those adventurers left... I saw the cracks, Yandrea. So, tell me, Yandrea, how can I stand to see you hurt by others and know that I am powerless to defend you, to protect you, to understand you?” he asked beating his chest with his fist as tears rolled down his cheeks.

As I looked at him, I felt my heart shrinking. I felt myself being tied up by the old tools of the Royals again, the one which leashed me... the one which cracked me...

I felt weird... As he cried for me... as he screamed at me, I felt my heart beating, I felt my chest burning... I wanted to see more of him, I wanted him to want me more... to care for me... to defend me... to hold me... I wanted to make him mine through any means necessary and if the world was against it... I wanted to burn it to the ground and rebuild it into one that could accept our love...

“Tuby... I... I want to tell you everything... I want to, but I fear that when I do... you will hate me or worse... you will start to act like them. I’m afraid of this... that’s why I never told you, but...” I told him, my breath cracking as the heat was rising.

Could I not just jump on him here? Making him mine? Push him to the ground and having him beg me to ravish him? To cast off all my masks... all my rough acts?

But then, before I could start my plan... before I could spin my web of lies again, I was stopped by a cold... hard truth.

“Miss Yandrea, the inspectors from the surface have arrived. They are waiting for you at the Southern Entrance.”

Without answering back to the guard, I looked down. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes and slowly dripped down my cheeks. How could I forget about them? How could I forget the truth of this fantasy of mine? I can hold Tuby, I can have him as mine... but if the royals find out about him... if even one single slave whispers a hint about his existence... they will come down here, chain me down and then chain him... They will drag him away from him. They will torture him. They will harm him... Tuby is weak... too weak... I thought, and the heat in my chest turned to coldness as I feared the worst.

“I guess this dream of mine... has finally come to an end... a foolish dream of a normal life...” I said and then looked up at him. Maybe I smiled?

There was no more time to lose, I had to answer that guard and then go escort the inspectors here... This was a basic routine. I had to give them the plans for the rebellion, show them around and then it would be over... hopefully.

“I’ll take you out and bring you to a safe place... afterwards, we can talk.” I said and then stepped out of my Inner Mind to face the guard, a Lion Emperor “Go down. I will be right over.” I told him with an ice-cold tone in my voice.

Once I was sure he was far away from us, I pulled Tuby out of my Inner Mind and then told him “Follow me...”

We did not have any time to lose. There was only one place where he could be safe... only one place that could spark his emotions for me... a final thread with which I hoped to entrap Tuby in my heart... It was a thread spun with all of my sadness and unhappiness... It would show him one of my deepest and darkest secrets... my pain and my suffering... 

“Wait for me here... I’ll be back once I’m done with the inspection...” I told him once I brought him into my Retreat of Sorrows, then I flew up before his words held me back anymore.

This is a test for you, Tuby... and one for me as well... Will you still love me once you see how broken I am? I wondered as I came out of the Pyramid and flew towards the Inspectors waiting for me at the South Entrance.

The moment I approached them, I could see the small army they brought here. Two hundred mixed soldiers were lined up in shiny armors, showing their disgust at being brought all the way to the lowest part of the dungeon. The four inspectors they escorted here were showing off their arrogance with their clothes and the very smug on their face. Among these three Negvar Elves only the Reiss was the Slave and just like them, he was acting arrogantly, having one of my Lion Emperors wave a fan for him.

As I approached them, I imagined myself casting all the new fun spells I learned from Tuby and scorching them until their meat turned to charcoal. Unfortunately, I could not do such a thing, so I slowly descended and made myself present.

“Esteemed guests from the surface, I welcome you to the lowest level of my dungeon.” I greeted them.

“Hmph! It’s about time, you wretched thing! Now show us the way! We need to make sure that everything is in order for the Hero Festival! His Highness expressed concern that a lowly thing like you would not be able to understand his grand plans and desires!” the elf inspector with green hair said.

“Indeed! Make haste! We have wasted enough time in this insufferable level!” declared the one with brown hair.

“Esteemed guest, I assure you that this thing has made sure to listen to his Highness requests! Last time I was here, everything was in order, but if anything is amiss, it can only certainly be as a result of this lowly thing’s insubordination towards his Highness or its hidden desire to sabotage the event?” the Reiss scoffed.

I could only keep my mouth shut and listen to their insults and verbal attacks. In my mind, there was only Tuby’s safety... and his reaction to what he would come to find in there.

“Please, right this way...” I said as I flew ahead of them and guided them to each settlement.

Everywhere we went, they had something to comment on. It was too dirty. It was too smelly. It was not majestic enough. It was too weak-looking. It was too complex. It was too simple. It did not matter where they went or what they saw, they would always find a flaw with it. If it was small, they would make it into something big. If it was big, they would complain about it being too big. Everything was problematic...

By the time I reached the Ellyarian settlement, it was made clear that they wanted to make it seem as though I had disobeyed his Highness. They shouted at me. They mocked me. They cursed me. They belittled me, but no matter how harsh their words were, no matter how much they spat on me... I ignored them and endured.

It was not the first time this had happened to me and it was certainly not going to be the last. I just had to make sure that Tuby was safe... that was my only goal.

Eventually, we reached the Pyramid. They climbed all the way up to my core and demanded for the Reiss to go inside my Inner Mind to make sure that I did not hide anything for them... This was a shameful act. It was the same as asking a noble lady to strip off everything in front of a crowd, yet... I could not deny their request.

I called him in, but only AFTER I changed my form back to that of an insignificant globe of light. My humanoid appearance was only meant for Tuby’s eyes.

The Reiss searched for everything he could, but he was not aware that his orders here had no effect on me and that I already hid Tuby’s things very well. It was Tuby whom I could not hide in here as he could easily rush over and command the Slave as he wished.

Outside, I was already aware of what they were doing. The inspectors were checking to see if my stats were similar to those recorded. This part, unfortunately, I could not hide. My level went up with one level... and my magic-related stats slightly increased.

“You did something you were not supposed to do!” one of them declared as he showed me the data on his paper.

“What would that be?” I asked.

“How arrogant!” he shouted and then kicked my Crystal Body.

“Lower your Magic Armor, you lowly being!” shouted the Slave.

I closed my eyes, grit my teeth and lowered my Magic Armor.

He kicked me again, but this time, I felt it and winced.

“You were not supposed to grow! You gained a level! What did you do? Answer me!” he shouted as he slapped my body with all of his strength.

I felt the pain and tried my best to reply “I... I... did nothing... it’s natural to eventually gain a level when... so... so many adventurers and citizens live in my dungeon...”

“LIES!” he kicked me hard, a cracked formed.

“Ugh!” I groaned in pain.

“You were ordered not to grow by his Highness!” the other inspector shouted at me.

“There was nothing out of the ordinary inside, but maybe she is hiding something, it wouldn’t be the first time, would it? Remember the incident with the Ornak Orphanage?” the Reiss Slave smirked as he looked back at me.

How dare he mention that incident! Doesn’t he know what it means for me? No... he does, this is why he mentions it. He tries to dig into my old wounds and see if there’s any point where I can bleed. I thought as I remained quiet.

“That is true... But maybe a bit of pain can persuade you to think otherwise?” the Inspector smirked as he took out a navy-blue sphere from his pocket.

“An inhibitor... But I told you the truth!” I retorted.

“Oh! Look at this, she’s feisty! More reason to use it and remind you that you Dungeons are nothing more than the lowly beings who were created to do our bidding!” he scoffed as he unleashed the power of the item upon me.

A powerful wave of energy surged forward from the item and slammed right into my Crystal Body, disrupting my connection to my Dungeon Territory and causing me to feel an excruciating pain.

“GAAAAH!” I screamed out, but I held out, thinking that Tuby was far away from me... deep underground where he could not hear me... where he could not see this weak and pathetic state of mine.

“Now tell us! What are you hiding!” he shouted.

“N-Nothing! GAAAH!” I screamed as cracks formed on my body, they burned.

“LIES!” he shouted and increased the power.

My exterior projection was dispelled, and I returned to my Crystal Body. Inside I held myself as I tried to survive the pain. The Inner World was shaking. The wave of power was creating disruptions that made it difficult to think and act...

“Tell us what you are hiding and this pain will go away!” he shouted.

“E-Every... every decade... you come down here... force that thing on me... and the result is always the same! NOTHING!” I shouted back.

“...”

They didn’t reply or maybe I could not hear them anymore... Everything hurt... Every part of my body... It was as if I was placed through a grinder...

And to think that the one who actually helped create this terrible thing was actually none other than myself... Well, it was not willingly... those mages used their spells to dismantle and research the other Dungeons spawned around me... They forced me to build them so that they can have subjects for research. Every time I heard their Crystal Body shatter, I felt as though I killed a child... Maybe I did... it was my fault after all... I was useless and pathetic Dungeon who could not fight back against their abuse...

I felt small...

Weak...

They could harm me... they could stop me... they were bigger and stronger... I was weak... and fragile...

My role was different, one of servitude...

Why did they let me live? Ah, yes... because I was the only one who was a Godlike... If I died, there was no other Dungeon to take my place. I was valuable because of this, but I was not untouchable.

They tried everything... to see what worked in order to subjugate me.

How different from Tuby... Even though, as an Adventurer, he destroyed Dungeon Cores, he only did it because there was no other choice. Those were the so-called Mad Dungeons who only wanted to destroy the world around them. While those researchers from my past focused on how to subjugate me and harm me... Tuby focused on how to coexist with me... He focused on understanding and finding a common ground between us... His goals were different, noble.

“No more... please... it hurts...” I cried out.

“We should stop now. It would do us no good if she can’t do her job.” one of the Inspectors said.

“I hate the fact that we are still bound to this lowly thing!” the Slave cursed.

“Eventually, we will figure out the way her magic works and we will build our own Dungeon Servants. Afterwards, her usefulness will be gone.” another said.

“Maybe they’ll just erase her memory and keep her like a mindless construct? She did serve the Kingdoms well.”

“That’s for the royals to decide, not us.” the first one scoffed.

“Let’s get out of here... I’m feeling sick just staying in this savage place!” the Slave spat.

“This place really does bring out the worst in us, doesn’t it? Hahaha!” one of the inspectors laughed.

“Of course, only those like us can be Slaves and Inspectors, otherwise, those soft idiots would think about being friends with this lowly thing and end up doing something stupid. Didn’t it happen before?”

“Ah, yes... the famous tale of Inspector Rasha and the Unnamed Slave.” the Salve replied.

They continued to talk as they moved away. Finally, the inspection was over, but their conversation only brought out more painful memories.

“Rasha... she was a kind friend... and Reyos treated me with kindness... They were different, but the royals... the surface dwellers didn’t like it. One was given a public execution in front of me, while the other was stripped of his noble rights and then executed. His entire family disowned him, but they were still punished... Rasha and Reyos were made examples for anyone else who would try to be kind to me... But... they didn’t do anything wrong... They were good... Ah... this is so unfair... and it’s all because I’m weak... so weak...” I thought as I hugged my body and continued to cry inside my Inner Mind.

Here, nobody could see me, nobody could see this true self of mine... and I just hoped, that once I returned to Tuby, he would not change his mind about me. I was afraid... afraid of him seeing me as vulnerable and weak enough so he could take advantage of me... of him running away from me, of abandoning me... I did not want to be alone. I did not want to live like this, but what could I do? There was no way for me to escape... no way...

“Ah... the persona I made probably crumbled to dust right now... Should I try to make a new one... one that he likes? Should I copy Nanya? I don’t know... I don’t know anymore... Why? Just why do I have to keep living like this? Someone… please make it stop…” I said as I kept crying, uncertain and afraid of what was to come.