~ Chapter 14: Starting anew ~

[Yandrea’ point of view]

My gaze, filled with fear and regret, followed the Watchers from afar as they left this floor. Their joyous laughter and carefree attitudes… how I both hated and envied them.

A single mistake, a wrong step, an accidental trap discharge was all that would take to end them. The pain in my Crystal Body was enough reason for me to pursue this action. It stung and hurt as ripples of pain were sent throughout it. The way a Dungeon felt pain was different from a flesh and blood creature. Every part of our body was sensitive to touch, heat, cold, and pressure. We could feel pain just as intense as the organics would when they suffered from a toothache. It was a system that warned us of an impending danger and that we should do absolutely everything in our power to protect our bodies.

My pain was enough reason but then? What would happen if I acted? How would the ones on the surface react? Who would they take from me for my ignorant and foolish act of rebellion?

The image of Tuby as he was dragged away in chains flashed before my eyes and a chill ran through my body.

No… I can’t lose him… I can’t…

I turned around and left them be… It was foolish of me to dream of revenge… Fighting them alone was too much even for me.

Healing myself would take a while, but the damage done was not something serious... The Watchers would be immediately executed by the other Watchers if they dared inflict any damage upon me that would prevent me from hosting a proper Ceremony of Descent or Ritual of Suppression for the royalties. At the very least, this thought made them think twice before attacking me.

Before I returned to my body, I flew down to the forest, where a little rabbit had been chopped in half by one of the Watchers upon their return.

“I’m sorry, little one... I wasn’t strong enough to protect you...” I whispered to him before my Dungeon Territory absorbed his remains.

He was not their only victim. Funerals in the Ellyarian and Ornak villages would take place today, simple gatherers, farmers, and hunters who had the bad luck of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. It did not matter for the Watchers that they were harmless and showed no signs of aggression, what mattered was that they were alive and capable of bleeding.

Their deaths were never peaceful... always filled with violence, and it was not once or twice that they called out to me, begging me to help... a torture in itself for the one who was supposed to be their guardian.

“Will I ever be freed of them?” I wondered as I looked back at my golden pyramid.

Such a useless oversized construction, but necessary for those accursed rituals...

Letting out another sigh, I flew back to my body and then followed the path down towards the secret chamber... Extending my Dungeon Territory a little bit to reach it was no problem for me, but I always had to remember to pull it back just in case the surface dwellers tried to look for it.

Maybe it was because I was a bit numbed by the pain of my body healing up, but I wondered if by now Tuby saw the truth behind the facade that I displayed before him all this time... My image as a powerful Dungeon was destined to crumble the moment he stepped there. What I feared the most and at the same time expected was that he would immediately start to abuse me and use me... to spit at me and curse at me... He would see that I am not that powerful and probably will seek shelter with those above... leaving me behind.

This was the case for everyone, right? Why would anyone stand by my side when I was weak... like this?

Numbed and feeling hopeless... I flew down through the ground and entered my most secret sanctuary...

The first thing to cross my mind as I saw the blue lights was an image of the future... a most painful future... in which the Watchers came down here and destroyed or took away my cherished memories. Seeing this... left me broken, shattered. If this were to happen, then... was there even a reason for me to get back up? To rise from my ashes? What for? Who should I fight for? Myself?

“Who would fight for me... the one they all abandoned... the one they all scorned?” I wondered out loud and then slowly flew inside.

These memories of mine were the most painful and in a way the most cherished. They showed the truth of my history, not that which was preached by the surface dwellers... Well, I was a Dungeon... and they were... organic, I guess?

Tuby was not in the main room, but I could feel him in the back, where my last memories were displayed...

I flew inside and saw him sitting on the bed, holding his knees and looking at the memory pedestal of our first meeting.

“I guess you found out, didn’t you?” I asked as I slowly approached him.

“...”

He did not reply, he continued to stare at it. I could understand him, there was a lot to process, a lot to take in. There were so many lies and so many twisted truths told throughout this entire time that even I would begin to wonder where the truth ended and the lie started.

“I am not as mighty as I said I was...” I shattered the silence.

“To them...” he replied.

“Yes... I’m not... They hold me down by chains I cannot break free from. I am weak... and I am greedy... I wanted something that I was not supposed to have...” I said and if I had a flesh and blood body, I would have cried.

“...”

“You saw it all, didn’t you? How I came to be... How weak I was and still am... You saw how I lost everything, how all my struggles were in vain. No matter how much I beg or how much I pray... my future is only one set in chains... I am not the mighty Dungeon I told you I am... I am the slave of the surface dwelling Kingdoms... their tool... their toy...”

“YOU ARE NOT A TOY!” Tuberculus shouted, he roared at the top of his lungs and glared at me... with eyes filled with intense rage.

But it didn’t feel like he was aiming it at me? Why?

He was raging. He was furious. He was... angry... but why... why did it feel like he was not aiming even a single drop of all those feelings at me?

“You are not a toy, Yandrea... You never were... You should never have thought of yourself as such...” he looked down and clenched his hands so hard that blood started to trickle down.

“Your hands...” I said with worry in my voice.

“I saw it all, Yandrea... Every single one of those damn memories!”

“Yes... the truth...”

“The truth of how you were mistreated and abused by those monsters! By those bastards!”

I was taken a bit by surprise... He hated... them? And not... feeling the need or rush to join them?

“I saw a child getting beaten for being curious. I saw a young lady trying to make a friend but being shoved back. I saw her toys and most precious things being taken away or destroyed before her very eyes... I saw pain, I saw suffering, and I felt those tears as they stabbed in my heart like daggers!” he cried out as he took his fist and punched his chest.

“Tuby...”

“The worst part of it... is that I know... I know that the one I saw in those visions, the one who was abused, who was beaten, who was slowly brainwashed by those bastards... was none other than my wife... And that I... like a fool... did not even see it.” he said as tears washed down his cheeks.

“You were not there...”

“I was not there, true. I was never there to see you face those surface dwellers, but I am not blind at least... I saw that crack... You are a Godlike Dungeon, Yandrea. Nothing should have been able to crack your body like that... but yet, it happened, and I was unable to do a single thing to stop it... However, you know the worst part?” he said as he looked over at the memory pedestal of our first meeting.

“What?”

“The worst part is that our relationship... is based on lies. Your fear of what I might be and what I might do... covered by the image of a powerful Dungeon. While I, thinking that my mighty wife was untouchable, unbreakable, undefeated...”

“Not everything was a lie... I... some things... were the truth...” I spoke with a low voice, barely having the courage to speak up.

“I do not know which ones... just that the image of you was a facade... and maybe this was the reason why I felt like it was hard for me to fall in love with you...” these words he spoke felt like claws scratching on my core.

“I... I’m sorry...” was all I could say.

“Every time I thought about giving us a chance... I felt like I was not able to see the real you... I always thought this was a weird feeling, maybe because it was not that long since I had given up on a love that had haunted me for decades, but now... after seeing all of this, I understand why... It was because I felt like I could not connect with the real you... Whether you were vulnerable or hurt, crying or alone... I wanted to see the real you...” he said, but his words... they made me feel pain.

“How could I...” I whimpered just as the dam that kept it all inside broke. My emotions, my fear, my pain, everything spilled out. Consumed, unable to hold it all back in, wakened by my physical pain, I shouted in anger “HOW COULD I SHOW YOU SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!” if I had a body like his, tears would have flowed down my cheeks. “A weak woman... a weak Dungeon that is at the mercy of others? What if you took advantage of me the same way as they did? What if you were the same as them? Wanting me to fulfill your desires and never looking at me, the real me? I wanted you for myself, that’s why I lied to you to them to everyone! I wanted to have something of my own... even if it was a lie... a facade!”

“I would not have done that! I would never do that!”

“How was I supposed to know?! All my life... from the moment I was born... everything was taken from me! The surface dwellers have parents who take care of them! I HAD A WALL! A WALL! They had homes that were warm and protected by friends and family... I had monsters and death! You had two legs with which to explore the world, to see how far the horizon goes! I had a dark cave... and the surface was unreachable to me! You could come and go whenever you wanted... I had to sit still... gazing out of an invisible cage that I could never break! You had others like you... a tribe... a country... something... Every other Dungeon I met was either trying to kill me or was too afraid of me to do anything... only to end up crushed by my Dungeon Territory... What I had... what little I had... was taken from me... destroyed.” I kept nothing inside, everything spilled out.

“Yandrea...” he whispered.

“I’m always hurting... I’m always craving... I’m greedy not for riches not for gold not for the whole world... just for the warmth of another...” I tried to hold in my tears. The numbness was now gone, and I was feeling the pain of both my emotions and my body merging together into an overwhelming crushing force.

“...”

“Why is it so bad for me to have this? Why don’t I need friends? Why am I supposed to be alone? Why am I always harmed by them? I hate pain, so why should I suffer? Why is the fact that I can think and hold a free will so disgusting to them?! Why? I just... I just want what everyone wants... a happy life... how is that bad? How is that worth harming me? Torturing me? So yes, this is me... I’m not a powerful Godlike Dungeon that rules the entire continent! I’m a slave to the surface dwellers who can’t even rule over her own little corner... This place, Tuby... this is my only refuge... the only place I can remotely call my own... and even this is only filled with misery and pain because I have nothing else... nothing...”

If my pain and misery had a shape and form in the real world... this little hideout... this small vault of memories would be it. Within these walls, there was no happiness or joy for me... just worry and fear... madness and hate... rejection and desperation. This was my reality and these blue crystals shone the light of depression on what were the pedestals of triumph of those above over myself below.

One would think that the small cavern with wild animals that I made was my real hideout, my safe heaven, but it was always just a step away from being discovered by those bipedal animals, those predators who would slaughter them with a smile on their face simply because it would bring me sadness. It was a place of beauty, towards which I always looked with the dread of one day having to witness its merciless destruction... All this being just another form of showing just how powerless and weak I was against them...

“That’s not true...”

“What?”

“You have me, Yandrea...”

“But... after what you saw... you should know that I lied to you and that... I’m not who you think I’m supposed to be...”

“I know...” he said as he looked up at me with gentle eyes.

“Then why?”

“I knew nothing about you, and all of this...” he pointed towards the room filled with my memories, “... showed me that I was a fool who failed to see the suffering of his own wife... I do not know much about who you really are, what sort of life you went through, but I am willing to learn, and I am willing to stay by your side no matter what!” he looked up at me with determination in his eyes, a determination that reached even the depths of my own soul. “Yandrea, maybe you don’t believe me but after everything that I saw today, I can understand why you had to put on that facade. Why you could not trust me. Why you must have felt like you were walking on broken glass around me... Why sometimes my words felt as though they were throwing daggers at your heart... After all, a relationship based on lies... on deceit... it’s fated to crumble when the truth is revealed... “

“And today was the day it had to crumble...” I said as I felt my heart heavy, the thought of losing him… was crushing me.

“You could have hidden me anywhere... but you brought me here.”

I could not deny it, this was the truth.

“You brought me to this place that can shatter all the lies you told me... and reveal the ugly and tragic truth of your past. You must have been terrified of how I would react if I came to know it… of whether or not I was the same as the others and would eventually abandon you?”

I remained silent… he was right… I was terrified…

“The fact that this lie... this facade came crumbling down... it’s a good thing.” he showed me a smile.

“How?”

“Because now, I can finally look at the real you... I can give us a chance... I can give our relationship a chance...” he looked down “Yandrea... knowing that I’m incapable of helping someone who is close to me, someone who is precious... is frightening, terrifying. All those memories, they showed me exactly that... I’m weak, I could not protect you. I could not even see the truth... And this is not something I want to be! I want to be strong enough to stand by your side... to protect you when needed be... To stop whoever wants to make you cry... If you should cry, I want those to be tears of happiness.”

In that moment… I felt a wave of relief as a small smile formed on my lips.