~ Chapter 74: Tears for a coward ~

[Illsyore’s point of view]

Do you think I will let her kill us?! The Darkness shouted at me.

I was currently inside my Inner Mind, facing this monstrous thing. It was huge and literally enveloped everything around me like tar would a helpless prehistoric creature. I couldn’t even access the material deposits without it allowing me...

Every day that passed by, I had less and less access to my abilities inside this place and seeing the rate at which my Inner Mind was consumed by The Darkness, I knew there wasn’t much time left before I was consumed by it. After all, what could a weak human like me do against it? This was their initial turf. I was the outsider, the intruder.

It’s not up to you anymore! I won’t let you become a threat for them or anyone else! I shouted back at him.

Fool! It was always up to me! I... WE are the masters here! WE are the ones who will rule over everything! he scoffed.

No! I retorted.

Live in your petty little delusions as much as you want! But there is nothing you can do to stop us! There is no way for you to win! We are in control here and soon... out there as well! the Darkness let out a creepy laughter.

Never! I shouted, but it felt like I was arguing with myself.

This Darkness had no presence... it was just a part of me, a drop in the dust...

When we get out of this place... the world you knew... will be gone. Those petty organics shall vanish! We shall rule supreme! We shall be the one to hold this world in our grasp! Not you! Not the gods! Not even those idiots on the Dungeon Continent! Not even our creators! Muhahaha! The Darkness laughed like a maniac, spitting out all sort of nonsense I did not understand.

Every time it spoke to me, it referenced itself either in the first or the third person, but it could never make up its mind about it, just like a crazy psychopath with multiple personality disorder. As for me, I could not see it as anything more than something... not living, therefore... ‘it’.

Still, I could feel it creeping into my soul, slowly destroying me in a way I didn’t understand. I had no idea how it managed to do it, but one thing was certain... The Darkness was far stronger than me.

When I looked down, I noticed that my hands were covered in dark veins. In here and out there, I constantly felt weak... Lately, every step I took brought me closer to my demise, and I was fully aware of it. I knew it was going to happen, and it had no intention of hiding itself anymore...

I left the Darkness laughing in my Inner Mind, while I opened my eyes. I was sleeping in bed with Nanya and Ayuseya, or at least pretended to. Shanteya was watching me from the window. Tamara wasn’t here. She slept with Zoreya.

“Illsyore?” Shanteya asked me as if she wasn’t sure.

“Yes, it’s me... How long was I asleep?” I asked her.

“Three hours.” she told me.

I couldn’t sleep... I spent all that time awake and trying without much success to stop The Darkness from spreading further. Actually, my sleeping hours were minimum at best. At the very least, it took longer for extreme fatigue and insomnia effects to appear in this body than they did in a normal human one.

“Have you been watching me all this time?” I asked as I carefully got out of bed, without waking up the other two.

“Yes... a precaution.” she told me.

“Sorry...” I lowered my eyes and let out a sigh.

“You are my husband. You need not be sorry for when you are in need of my help.” she told me with a gentle smile as she approached me and then embraced me.

“Even so...” I was saddened by the fact that I had become such a burden to them.

“Hey! Don’t worry about it.” Shanteya gave me a soft kiss on the lips.

She managed to calm me down, but I couldn’t get back to sleep. I stayed up with her and chatted casually.

As for what we spoke about, it was mostly about how I should design my Magic Academy. Even she believed that Fellyore was far too small to accomplish its fundamental role. I was thinking initially about a remote part of the continent, somewhere between all three of them, but at the same time with a connection to the unknown ones. I also wanted monsters and stuff for the students to train against, but there were so many details I had to worry about that sometimes it felt like I would need an army of Dungeons to complete it.

After everyone woke up, we went downstairs and sat at a table while the innkeeper made us some breakfast. With one glance, one could tell that the atmosphere around us was really tense. Tamara was sitting next to Zoreya, while my wives all had a worried look on their faces. The Darkness messed things up really bad, and I had no idea how to fix it.

“What should we do today?” I asked them in the end.

“Whatever you wish, Illsy.” Shanteya replied.

“I don’t really feel like doing anything...” Nanya answered.

“I still have some books I wish to read...” Ayuseya said.

“I have no plans.” said Zoreya.

Tamara remained quiet.

“I see...” I let out a sigh and leaned back on my chair.

It was hard to focus and think about what to do. Regarding the fact of saying my farewells to them, it was even harder.

To be honest, I didn’t want to die, but I was smart enough to understand that if The Darkness ended up consuming me and taking over my body, then this world would be in mortal danger. The chances of it harming my wives and slave were also very high. It proved quite clearly that it had not even one drop of remorse when it attacked Tamara the other day.

Worst of all, there was nothing I could do to stop it from rampaging and hurting them. Inside, I felt useless, weak... unworthy of them.

I thought about things time and time again, but I couldn’t come up with any solution. There was an overwhelming difference in power between me and The Darkness. Every time I tried to stop it, it felt like I was trying to push up against a steel wall as a weak human. I felt helpless.

As for how I was going to break the news to them, I still had no idea...

Maybe I should take them out on a date? I wondered at one point.

[Zoreya’s point of view]

After that night, I felt at a loss with my own inner turmoil... My god’s orders were clear. I was to kill Illsyore before The Darkness overcame him. At the same time, the Dungeon Lord also asked me to end his life in order to keep his loved ones safe. More than that, I found out that he was actually a reincarnated soul.

By all means, I shouldn’t have felt even the slightest bit of remorse and regret about this. On the contrary, I was supposed to feel joy.

Even so, deep inside, my soul was twisting and turning. In short, I didn’t want to kill Illsyore. He was an innocent in all of this. The wrong one was The Darkness. IT had to disappear, not Illsyore. Unfortunately, there was no way for me to separate the two, and the latter didn’t hold the power to fight against it.

Our fates were puzzles we couldn’t see, and the pieces were guided by the hands of powerful gods, while we, mortals, could only watch and suffer in silence with each step we took.

At the very least, we could choose what god to guide us on our trip through life, but the outcome wasn’t going to be the same.

That was why we prayed and prayed for a better future, for a better life. We wanted to avoid their wrath and always stay within their grace. Therefore, an Apostle could only be seen as blessed individuals whose fates had been determined to be blessed ones.

Only a fool would give up such a fate, yet here I was debating over whether it was the right thing to do or not. In my mind, such a choice was ridiculous, but inside my soul, the matter was different.

I knew not the reason, but it had been shown quite clearly that I was drawn to Illsyore and his wives. Like a lost Dayuk always looking to return to his pack, so did I yearned to be by their side. It was a selfish request, which up till now I had kept hidden and locked away inside of me. It was a weird thought I never cared or wished to give any attention to.

What brought it out was this confusion of mine... this turmoil over a debate which should have been settled the moment Melkuth ordered me to do so.

Now, I was even questioning the fact whether or not I still had the right to be his chosen Apostle.

“Nanya, how about the two of us go on a date today?” asked Illsyore suddenly.

His words pulled me out of my trance, and I stared at the Dungeon Lord.

“Excuse me?” the woman asked raising an eyebrow.

“No good?” he pouted.

“NO! I didn’t mean that!” she hit the table with both hands and stood up, catching everyone’s attention. “Ah! Sorry~!” she slowly returned to her seat, blushing all the way to the tips of her ears.

At this moment, she was using the illusion ring that made her look like a beautiful human. Lately, she’d been using it only when she felt like her real form was catching too much attention. At the moment, only the gazes of lecherous men were glued to her, but just as one ignores a small bug, so did everyone else at this table. It was a reaction I often saw displayed by them. Only when some poor fellow made a move did Illsyore and his wives react.

“Great! Then let’s go after our meal! And tomorrow, I’ll take Ayuseya, then Shanteya, and lastly Zoreya!” he spoke nonchalantly, to which I spat out my drink.

“Pardon?” I asked raising an eyebrow.

“Ugh... you made a mess.” Shanteya pulled back.

“I apologize.” I lowered my head in shame.

Such a disgraceful act, but maybe I misheard him? I wondered.

“Anyway, it’s settled!” Illsyore declared.

“Sigh... very well.” Nanya shook her head in defeat.

After we ate our meal, he and the demoness went to prepare for their date, while we were free to do as we pleased. Before Shanteya left my sight, I approached her.

“Pardon me, miss Shanteya?” I asked her.

“What is it, Zoreya?” she replied with a charming smile.

“Erm... I think I misheard, but who did Illsyore said he will date after miss Nanya?” I asked her with a wry smile.

“Oho~? I wonder who fufu~!” she giggled and then turned around.

“Miss Shanteya?” I asked her desperately.

“Wait and see, ‘miss’ Zoreya” Hihi~!” she giggled.

I misheard, right? I asked myself again, but the el’doraw wasn’t helping me clear the misunderstanding in my heart.

“Anyway, now that I think about it, I believe the two of us should make sure their date goes smoothly.” she suddenly said with a smile.

I furrowed my brow.

“It’s going to be alright. Your influence as an Apostle should prove quite handy!” she then showed me a cunning smirk.

I gulped.

May Melkuth forgive me... I thought to myself as I followed the scheming el’doraw.

[Illsyore’s point of view]

To be honest, I had yet to come to terms with accepting my own demise, but I wanted to offer my farewells properly to all of them. Each and one of them deserved this. With Tamara, it would be the easiest, and the last one would be Zoreya. Despite the strange way she ended up joining our group, I couldn’t see her as anything less than a friend.

The first one I wish to take out on this date was Nanya.

It didn’t take her long to get ready, but she appeared before me wearing clothes suited for a noble lady of this era. Her skirt was fluttery and pure-white. It was decorated with yellow flowers at the bottom. On her top, she wore a white chemise, and over it, a bright-yellow outer dress with a pattern of white leaves and petals around the edges. Around her waist was a golden rope, which acted as a belt.

“You’re... beautiful.” was the only thing I could say.

“Thank you...” she replied while looking down shyly, with a tinge of pink in her cheeks.

Seeing how The Darkness stopped me from using the materials inside my Inner Mind, I went and bought some fashionable clothes from a local store. It was the most I could buy with the gold I had on me. Thus, I wore a pair of blue silk pantaloons, a red silk shirt, a dark-blue jacket, and pair of sturdy black boots. The shirt and jacket had small golden embroideries, which gave it a feel of wealthiness and beauty.

Compared to my jeans and cotton t-shirt, this set of clothing was rather uncomfortable. Like a proud man, I endured it.

Our date consisted of us spending the time together like any other ordinary couple. We ate at a fancy restaurant, compliments of Zoreya for threatening the owner to make sure we had a table waiting for us, and also Shanteya for providing the much-needed security against all sort of annoying scoundrels.

My el’doraw wife, although she didn’t have to, she insisted on helping us out so that no interruptions would occur during our date.

We finished our date by taking a walk outside of the city. It was a clear sky, and all the stars could be seen perfectly up there. Too bad I had no idea how to recognize any of the constellations. Some people named certain stars, but none bothered with what the ancient Greeks once did back on Earth. That or maybe I had yet to meet or heard of those who did.

As we walked, I began to tell Nanya why I asked her out on a date...

“It’s beautiful tonight, isn’t it?”

“Mhm.” she nodded and took a quick glance at me.

I raised my head up to the sky and took a deep breath. It felt like I was trying to release all of that invisible weight on my shoulders... little by little.

“This date... was a bit sudden, wasn’t it?”

“True, but I’m guessing you are now going to tell me the reason why?” she asked.

“You know me well.” I smiled and took her hand into mine.

Looking back into her eyes, I told her “It’s alright to show your true form here. I wish to be together with the real you.”

She nodded and deactivated the illusion ring. Before me now stood the tall demoness with a long sharp tail and dangerously sharp claws. Even in this form, she was quite beautiful in my eyes.

“You know, I never thought that I would end up married to you... or having this date.” I confessed.

“Is it that impossible?” she raised an eyebrow.

“No... maybe. Who knows?” I shrugged.

“You are here with me now. It shouldn’t matter at all whether or not it looked impossible back then.” she smiled.

“True...” I lowered my eyes to the ground.

Living in the present... it’s still hard for me... I thought and then let out a sigh.

“Why did you call me out on this date?” she asked me and stopped.

“It’s...” I looked into her eyes and then took a deep breath.

This moment felt like an eternity, and I had no idea how to make it less painful.

“Hm?” she squinted her eyes.

“It’s a farewell gift...” I told her.

“Fare... Farewell gift? I don’t understand... Why do you say it’s a farewell gift?” she asked furrowing her brow.

I closed my eyes for a moment.

“Because soon enough, I won’t be around anymore...” I told her with a calm tone of voice.

“What?” she asked confused.

“The Darkness... there’s no way to stop it. Nanya... I’m losing against it...” I told her.

“W-What?” she asked with a trembling voice.

“I tried... I tried... but I can’t win. Before it’s too late, I asked Zoreya to stop me. I know neither you, nor Ayuseya, nor Shanteya can harm me, so I asked the only one who can.” I said.

“What do you mean? You asked Zoreya to KILL you?” she asked taking a step back and raising the tone of her voice.

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

“Yes.”

“Why?! Why, Illsy?! Why?!” she asked shaking her head as tears formed in the corners of her eyes.

“Because The Darkness is too strong, and if I don’t do something about it, it will kill you and everyone else in this world... It won’t destroy me... it will let me watch from a cage. It will make me suffer... So, before that happens, I have to make sure this body of mine is destroyed.” I explained to her in a calm tone of voice.

“But... there has to be something! Why can’t you defeat it? Aren’t you the one in charge? Aren’t you the stronger one there? Aren’t you the main mind?” she asked clenching her fists.

“I am... but I can’t defeat it. It’s impossible for me...”

“NO! I refuse to believe this! I refuse to accept this! You just gave up! You abandoned yourself to fear and depression! You... didn’t even TRY to fight!” she shouted at me at the end.

The Magic Energy of her body started to become unstable, and a strong pressure could be felt around me. The ground at her feet cracked a little under her immense power. By all means, she was an entity with more Magic Energy than most Supremes out there.

“I did... but I can’t... it’s too strong, and I’m just a weakling when compared to it... Please, try to understand... There’s nothing else I can do...” I said and approached her.

“NO!” she jumped back and glared at me with tearful eyes.

“Nanya...” I looked at her and pain gripped my heart.

“You can still fight... if you want to. You can win... You just need to find a way.” she said.

“But...” I tried to take a step closer, but she raised her hand up.

“Stay away... If you give up and let yourself be defeated by The Darkness, then... then you are nothing but a traitor of our love and a coward in front of your own self! You are not... Y-You are not the real Illsyore, the man I know and love!” she screamed and then ran away while crying.

“Nanya...” I said in a low tone of voice.

I knew I hurt her and that these words of hers were those of grief, but there was nothing I could do about it. The matter had been settled. Once I was gone, she would be free to search for another man to love and cherish, maybe someone better than me... Or if I was lucky, I would once again reincarnate into that man.

“I made her cry...” I told myself as I rubbed the back of my head.

Suddenly a sharp pain struck my chest, and I knelt on one knee.

It won’t be long now, Illsyore... The Darkness... I... WE shall claim your body! Muhahaha! it laughed while I stood there with a ragged breath.

The crystal on my chest was slowly turning dark red. I did not have much time left...

[Nanya’s point of view]

I said those words out of grief and anger. I did not hate Illsy...

Even if he was a coward or a loser, I still loved him, but dealing with this, accepting his farewell was too much, so I ran... I ran as fast as I could.

Maybe I was a coward as well, but what was there left for me to do?

I was confused, and I had no idea how to help him out... It hurt... but what hurt me the most wasn’t the news of The Darkness winning ground in this battle, it was Illsy giving up on the fight.

Inside, I was still hoping he would win, that there would be chance or a way for him to defeat that monster eating him from inside out, twisting his personality, and corrupting his soul. I was still hoping for him to fight till the bitter end for himself and for us, but maybe I was wrong about him? Maybe the strong and fearless Illsy wasn’t like that?

“Illsy, you big idiot...” I said as I hoped over the rooftops, heading back to the inn.

Even if he gave up on the battle, I, on the other hand, refused to let him do so. Even if I died, I wanted to help him fight, to find a way out of this mess. Maybe magic wasn’t the solution, maybe Zoreya had a clue, or maybe even the gods had forsaken him, but I didn’t... I didn’t want to forsake Illsy!

He was my husband, my lover... and the only man I cared about so much in my entire life. I wasn’t ready or willing to let him go.

Who would?

I was certain both Ayuseya and Shanteya would not dare either.