~ Chapter 77: A moment of hesitation ~

[Illsyore’s point of view]

As soon as we reached the inn, Shanteya put on a smile and went to join my other wives. Since then, two hours had passed. Now, I was sitting on the roof of the inn, gazing at the clear blue sky above me while I waited patiently for Zoreya to get ready for our date. It was a beautiful day, but if I were to complain about something, that was the lack of entertainment around these parts. Above all, I missed my computer.

While I waited, I thought back at what my wives and slave told me... No doubt Zoreya was going to tell me something similar, or maybe not... Unlike the others, she was bound to her faith for her god, Melkuth. He already told her that I was a lost cause, so there was no reason for her, his Apostle, to make a fuss about it.

Nanya, Shanteya, Ayuseya, and even Tamara had a good point. The Darkness was originally nothing more than just the gathered up remains of past Dungeons. It did not have a soul. I was supposed to be the one and only ruler of this body, yet... it didn’t feel that way.

Because of my memories of my past life, of Earth, Alina, and modern society, I felt reluctant to fully integrate myself into this world. Or rather, I felt like I didn’t belong here...

Ever since I stepped into this Universe, I was treated either as a servant, a monster, or ‘something’ that was in the way. I had my own thoughts, my own feelings, even my own plans, but I lacked the will to move it all.

The more I thought about this, the more I felt like the only thing I did was to complain and nag about my unfavorable situation. There was no feeling of progression, no evolution of my own. I stood still when I had the possibility to do whatever I desired.

No...

I was backing away...

Before me was a world of freedom, where I found love in not one but three beautiful women. And when I thought about this, when I thought about the future, my heart didn’t swell with excitement, it trembled with fear...

Instead of fighting, I felt like it was better to give up and have Zoreya kill me. Sure, they would be sad afterwards, but The Darkness wouldn’t be gone... and I could flee from this world too good to be true.

Indeed... just give up... Leave me to control your body, and I’ll set you free to go wherever you desire! The Darkness whispered.

Can you? I asked foolishly.

Of course, I can! All this pain, all this fear... I’ll make it go away... I’ll set you free to go wherever you desire! its words were like the hisses of a snake, luring you closer right before it jumped to take a bite.

However, what if its venom was exactly what I was looking for?

I didn’t give it a reply, but its words made me wonder... What if The Darkness was right? I could see it as well that I was afraid, and I wanted to flee from this place... I wasn’t a warrior. I wasn’t a teacher. I wasn’t even a Dungeon.

“What am I?” I asked as I looked up at the clear blue sky.

Of course, nobody answered... Neither god nor devil was there to listen to my lost words, only me and The Darkness.

Letting out a sigh, I closed my eyes and let my thoughts wonder back to the recent events.

Every time I replayed those memories in my mind, I found myself sinking deeper and deeper into depression. There was no way out of it... Every thought made my heart clench. Every positive thought felt like a long-lost dream, or a ruthless mockery addressed to me.

Listening to the chatter of the people in this city, I felt like I was ‘something’ completely disconnected from them, and every time I saw someone having fun or feeling good, I could feel my hope and energy fleeing away from me.

I stood there and asked myself “Why am I like this?”

Looking at my hand, I clenched them and then relaxed them.

I remember this feeling... this hopeless sensation... this desire to flee... When was it? When did I experience its dread? I thought and closed my eyes.

It was something that happened to me in my previous life, years before I met my untimely death... When was it? Ah, yes... right after college.

Stepping up into the world, I hoped for an aspiring career in my field. I was striving to find happiness just like any other student who graduated in the same year as me. My friends spread about, my family gave me a gentle push to meet the world, but the first step I took was a terrible... My first interview ended in a complete failure.

I remember how it was... My hands and knees were shaking. My voice couldn’t come out, and I felt like everyone around me was laughing at me. Yet, I tried to push forward... I clenched my fists and entered the interview room. I answered. I spoke the best I could, but in the end... I failed. What a fool I was... thinking that I would surely get the job... that I was the best... In the end, the one who got the job was a guy who got lower scores on his exams than me. What did they say at that time? Yes... I lacked conviction... I lacked... strength and will... Funny, but now I can’t even remember their faces, just the pain they caused me... I should have killed them... I thought and then opened my eyes.

That last thought came so naturally, I didn’t even notice it.

After that interview, I failed seven others, and depression took its hold on my soul. My own thoughts and fears were tirelessly pushing me down, forcing me to admit that I was failure... that I was worthless...

I took refuge in gaming. Every day, I hid inside my room without even taking a single step out, looking at my monitor screen and counting the minutes that passed by me. It was like I was praying for my time to slip by and for me to be unable to take it back.

I was a failure... I thought.

That feeling, that sensation of being worthless and slowly being eaten by darkness was the same as the one I was feeling right now. The only difference was that this one was stronger, more powerful, and I didn’t feel as connected to my current life as a Dungeon as I was of my life as a human. It almost felt like if I was going to fail, I was just going to be sent back to my previous world and continue my life there from where I left off. Similar to how a gamer who immersed himself returned to reality after his character died or reached a save point. It was that sort of disconnecting feeling.

Indeed, this world has no value for you, human. Leave it to me, and you can go and be on your merry way... No need to feel like this anymore... Those women, they are only hindrances in your path... After all, what sort of human man has three wives and a slave on top of that? Sure, it sounds good in a story, but reality is different. Just imagine how it will be when they become jealous or if you lose your feelings for one? Well... there are no feelings for them either way... I know because I can see deep in your heart. I can see the truth you are hiding from yourself... Admit it, you loathe your current lifestyle... You hate how they all swarm around you like that... The Darkness whispered to me treacherous words, but I didn’t feel the need to fight back against it, to say it wasn’t like that.

Who am I to judge and hope? I thought.

No one... you are no one... The Darkness answered.

My heart clenched, and I knew that I was already becoming numb to this world around me. Shanteya’s tears didn’t even affect me as much as they should have, nor did Ayuseya or Nanya’s. I was a mess or maybe a coward, either way, I didn’t deserve them... I didn’t deserve their love... I didn’t deserve to be loved.... I didn’t deserve this world...

Letting out a sigh, I looked up, and the sky was blurry, touched by a tinge of red.

Strange... I thought to myself.

[Zoreya’s point of view]

There was nothing I could do to prepare for this date. Changing my armor for a dress was inconceivable! I was not a woman who would squeal and dance around just because some man invited her to a date. I was an Apostle of Melkuth! There was no need for me to concern myself with such trifle matters!

As for my age, I was an elderly woman by human standards. Thanks to Melkuth’s divine protection, I kept my youth, but this year, I reached the age of 98 years. Few humans could ever hope to be as old as I was.

“Are you sure you don’t want to wear a dress?” Ayuseya asked me for the tenth time already.

“No, but I appreciate your thoughtful concern.” I shook my head slowly.

“I see... well, I hope you will have a good time.” she showed me a small, yet sad smile.

Of course, she felt sad in her heart, I was going out with her husband. This date... was more of a preparation for Illsyore’s execution rather than something a pair of lovers should do. Even so, I still felt reluctant to end his life. This whole situation was truly unfair towards him.

Born as a result of a High Mage’s twisted experiment. Forced to carry out a duty he never agreed with nor wished for in the first place. Facing opponents and situations a normal human would normally never get the chance to encounter. And most of all, remembering a life where things were for the better... Illsyore had to live through all of these things only to find out he was unwanted in this world, that even the gods had forsaken him. It was indeed an unfortunate fate, but my god’s will had to be fulfilled. It was my duty... but I wasn’t certain if it was my wish.

“I should be going now.” I said and turned around to look at Illsyore’s wives, who in a strange way became my friends as well.

“Take care...” said Nanya from her corner on the bed.

As a demoness she wasn’t that frightening at all, and I learned that most humans had a terrible understanding of their kind. The same could be said about the draconian princess. Gentle and elegant, Ayuseya was far from the envisioned monsters who at one point tried to conquer this continent.

“I hope you will get to enjoy yourself.” she showed me a kind smile.

“Nya~ Please make Master happy!” the nekatar mewed and waved her tail behind her.

“I pray that you will do what’s right.” Shanteya told me, but I could tell she was forcing her smile.

This el’doraw was probably the one who held the deepest and most sincere feeling for the Dungeon Lord out of all of them. It was a true mystery why this was so. In my honest opinion, I never saw another woman quite like her, but at the same time, it made fear what she was capable of doing for her beloved.

“May Melkuth’s light be with all of you.” I bowed to them.

Leaving the inn, I found Illsyore waiting for me next to fruit seller. There was a strange fiendish aura around him, but besides those with keen senses, normal people were unable to perceive it. If I were to guess, I would say The Darkness was making fast progress towards taking over him. The crystals on his hands and chest had turned from the calming and beautiful jade-green to an eerie dark-red color. There were also several dark veins popping here and there all over his body, almost as if some fiendish monster was trying to crawl its way out from under his skin.

Despite these drastic changes, Illsyore appeared to be unaffected by them, almost as if he had already come to accept his unfortunate fate...

Why do I feel sorry for him? I wondered as I looked at him with gentle eyes.

Taking a deep breath and holding tight to my shield, I approached him.

“Illsyore. Are you ready?” I asked him.

“Hm? Yes.” he turned around and showed me a smile.

A shiver went down my spine when he looked at me. His left eye was jade-green, while the other was dark red. Even his hair was showing signs of turning as black strands appeared predominantly on his right side of his head.

“A-are you feeling alright?” I asked him prudently.

“Hm?” he looked down at his hands and then shook his head “I don’t know... but...” he looked up into my eyes “it’s not like I can do anything about it...” he showed me a sad smile.

My heart ached.

Illsyore was a good man. The Darkness was the evil that needed to be obliterated, yet to kill one, I had to take the life of the other. It was such an unjust trade, but someone had to do it. No, it had to be done. Such was what my god had commanded.

“An apple?” he asked.

I blinked surprised and looked at his hand. He was trembling, but he wasn’t noticing it.

“Yes...” I couldn’t refuse him.

We proceeded to walk down the main road, but as we did, several people looked towards us with a deep worry and fear in their eyes. It wasn’t because of me; I was certain of this. Normally, people would want to get close to me and ask for my blessing, so it could only be Illsyore. Either because of the way he looked or the aura he emanated around himself.

Like a monster about to be spawned, each step this Dungeon Lord took increased the pressure of his frightening presence.

He’s losing the battle... I thought while I looked at him.

As we turned left, we headed towards the south gate. It was a repeat of the previous dates. By now, the guards recognized him, but their eyes weren’t friendly. I feared that one of them would try to act foolishly.

I was right...

“You there!” a brawny man called out.

He was clad in a thick leather armor and had... a mono-brow?

“Pardon?” I replied taken aback by his weird appearance.

“Miss, this man has been seen taken several beautiful women outside of the city gates. They all returned as if their hearts had been turned to dust.” he pointed at Illsyore.

With a smile, the Dungeon Lord grabbed the man’s finger and bent it in an unnatural way.

“AGYAAA!” he screamed.

“I would advise you don’t meddle in my affairs.” he told him with a smile.

I froze when I saw this scene.

“Ugh... my finger...” the mono-brow groaned.

“Don’t worry, it’ll heal.” Illsyore said and then twisted it back.

I heard a crack.

“ARGH! You son of a...” he tried to speak, but a fast knee to the face sent him flying back towards his comrades.

“You...” one of the men unsheathed his sword, but before things could turn deadly, I stepped between them.

“This fellow is not one you can handle. Please refrain from any violent acts... And Illsyore, please calm down.” I said as I looked back at him.

The Dungeon Lord looked at me as if confused.

It was only then when he saw the mono-brow fellow.

“Ah... Did I...?” he questioned himself and looked at his own hands.

Only one of his eyes showed a reaction, the green one. The other... it was smiling.

“Don’t worry about it...” I told him with a soft smile as I placed my hand on his shoulder.

He nodded, and we left the scene.

The guards went to get the man some help, but if Illsyore were to return, they weren’t going to treat him kindly. Well, IF he returned, but I highly doubted it...

For more than an hour we traveled through the wastes outside the city, climbing the sand dunes and gazing up at the sky. To be fair, this looked like anything but a date... The ending was going to tragic one as well, so I could not find either joy or excitement from this. Illsyore as a man was cute, but I was too old to think of such things.

I was an old lady long past the prime of her life... What use was there for me to wish for something like a lover or husband? I was also close to my end... Melkuth was going to call me to his side, and I was going to leave this world, but before that, I had to finish my business with Illsyore.

We stopped between two dunes. He looked to his left and then to his right.

“This looks like a good place...” he nodded and smiled.

“A good place?” I asked.

“Yes...” he looked into my eyes “A good place to die...”

My heart clenched, and I gulped.

“Are you certain about this?” I asked.

He nodded.

“There is no way for me to change my situation... I lack the will and strength to do so. The Darkness has nearly taken over me completely. I can’t even block his whispers anymore...” he showed me a sad smile.

“Your wives... they were certain you would win.” I looked down and unsheathed my sword.

“They were wrong.” he knelt before me.

My fingers tightened around the leather grip, and I felt the situation reaching a point of no return. To spare his life would mean the end of countless others. To save him would mean to give up my own, but... how was I supposed to do that?

“Illsyore... are you really certain you can’t... you don’t wish to fight against The Darkness? Those women believe in you with their entire being. Giving up like this would mean to step on their faith in you...” I told him.

“It’s better than The Darkness having to kill them.” he showed me smile.

“Even so... if you fight, maybe...” I tried to convince him.

Why am I telling him these words? I can’t... I just have to kill him, that’s it. Why am I hesitating? I thought.

“ENOUGH!” he shouted and made me flinch.

“Illsy?” I asked.

“I said it time and time again, I can’t win against The Darkness! He’s too strong, too powerful! I’m just a human in a Dungeon Lord’s body... nothing more and nothing less. Even if I wanted to, I don’t know how! Look at me! I’m... slowly turning into a monster. If you don’t do this, I will commit countless atrocities! I will kill... I will destroy, and I don’t want that! I DON’T!” he shouted at me at top of his lungs.

Magic Energy began to be released from his body, stirring up the sands around us. I cringed and took a step back. All of my instincts told me that he was dangerous. That he was a menace... Only my heart wavered... out of pity... out of compassion... like a failure of an Apostle.

Why do I still believe that he... that he’s not giving it his all... that he can still be saved? Why? I thought, but I couldn’t let such question cloud my mind any further.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

“I understand...” I told him and clenched the hilt of my sword as I poured my Magic Energy in it.

“Thank you... With this, I won’t become a danger to anyone... Although, it’s funny, but I think that if things worked out differently, maybe... we could have been friends? Or rather... no, I already see you as someone close to me... That’s why... thank you, Zoreya. I’m happy that you were the one to take my life...” he said his final words.

My heart was in pain, and tears formed at the corners of my eyes. I was about to slay a friend... because I was unable to save him...

“Goodbye... Illsy.” I said and then opened my eyes.

My sword moved swiftly to end his life.

CLANG!

The sound of metal hitting metal echoed around me.

“Yes, thank you, Zoreya~. Because of you, this human finally relinquished his last drop of will to fight against me! Now this body is MINE!” the one sneering at me was The Darkness.

Illsyore’s hair turned black. The skin on his hands was black and covered in a strange metal. That was what my blade hit and could not cut. The last drop of Illsyore’s existence was his jade-green left eye. That was it...

I messed up... I thought horrified.

“Kukuku! Funny... To think I was just about to be killed by the likes of you. How... idiotic.” he smirked and then moved towards me.

In the blink of an eye, his hands outstretched in a punch, and I barely had any time to react. His fist struck Melkuth’s shield, and I was sent flying back a couple of meters. I landed on the sand, rolling a few times before I was able to stop myself.

“You...” I said as I got up.

“Yes... I, The Darkness! I’m finally FREE! Muhahaha!” he laughed as he looked towards the sky.

“I won’t let you...” I squinted my eyes and dashed towards him, concentrating all of my Magic Power into my feet.

He jumped back, avoiding the slash of my sword.

“I’m sorry, but I have no wish to play with you for now.” he smirked and before him appeared countless spears with a tip made from ice and a body out of liquid fire. “[Infernal Glacier]!” he shouted.

The attack wasn’t launched at me but at the ground in front of me. He was trying to create an opening to escape, but I couldn’t just rush forward. That was an Emperor Rank spell, but by the looks of it, it was far stronger than the usual one. I jumped back, taking the safe approach.

In the spots where the spears struck the sand, a blazing inferno formed that spread around dangerously fast. I had to run away or risk getting caught up in it. To be fair, if I knew I could survive a hit from that, I would have, but Illsyore was far stronger than he looked. This [Infernal Glacier] spell was probably one of his weakest attacks.

Using this chance, The Darkness fled the scene... leaving me staring at the devastation he caused with a single attack.

How many lives would have been lost if he unleashed this attack in the middle of the city? I wondered as I looked at the place where two big sand dunes had been replaced with a lake of molten sand covered in fire.