~ Chapter 79: Broken faith or not? ~

[Zoreya’s point of view]

Frustrated, confused, in pain... I couldn’t bear with my own thoughts as I let the hours pass by me like sand grains in an hourglass. What good was an Apostle to a God of War when they didn’t even have the strength to lift their own shield up.

Drinking didn’t help either... yet I tried to drown my own thoughts and think about what I could do, for I was so ashamed of my failure, I didn’t even have the courage to go and face my own god.

Alas, I was but a human... even if I looked like a woman in her twenties...

“Have you heard? Another village was destroyed by that monster...” an adventurer spoke.

I perked my ears up and listened to their conversation. The two of them were young adventurers but wore battered armors and brandished a few scars from their journeys. They were the typical sort you could find anywhere nowadays. As they got older, they would request the help of a healer and remove some of them.

“Yeah... Apparently the king is trying to assemble a subjugation party as soon as possible, but so far, none of the Supremes and Godlike Ranks believe this case is worth their attention.” the other man shook his head.

The news laid heavy on their shoulders, and mine as well...

The Darkness isn’t worth their attention? Those fools... I thought, but who was I to speak against those who refused to go after it? After all, I was among those who nearly perished at its hands.

Furious, the adventurer struck the table with his fist, nearly spilling his mead “Bah! An entire city needs to burn down to ashes before any of those fools will even think about raising a finger against it!”

My heart clenched. I was also one of those people who was supposed to come to their aid in such unfortunate times, but not only did I not think of it, I also tried to run away from it... I was a failure as an Apostle, and the weight of my own shield proved it...

I gulped down the last drops from my tankard and then got up from my table. I paid the fee to the innkeeper and then retreated to my room.

“Hey lady! What about your shield?” the cute waitress with hair cut short called out to me.

“What?” I asked in my own confusion.

Looking back, I saw Melkuth’s Shield, the one item I always carried with me and held onto as tightly as I could even during my sleep, now leaning on the table... forgotten.

“Yes... I’ll take it now...” I spoke with a trembling voice as I walked over and lifted it up.

The weight was almost unbearable. Even with my Supreme Ranked strength, I could barely lift it up. Those who did not understand looked at me with mocking gazes.

Melkuth’s abandoning me... I failed... I thought to myself as I dragged myself back to my room.

It had been one week since I last saw Illsyore’s wives running after him. Just like I predicted, they failed to stop him. Maybe they died, maybe he captured them... I didn’t know, but the rumors about The Darkness’ cruelty kept coming like an endless stream of bad news.

At the very least, he was heading away from this place, but I knew that he was merely letting me alive, mocking my weakness.

Entering my room, I dropped my shield on the floor, took off my armor and dropped on my bed. Protection was unnecessary. Even if I died now, it mattered not. My role as Melkuth’s Apostle was over. I couldn’t fulfill his task. I couldn’t kill Illsyore, thus, giving the opportunity The Darkness sought to set itself free.

I’m afraid to face him... I’m afraid... I thought to myself as I took a peek at my shield.

It wasn’t The Darkness whom I was afraid of, it was Melkuth...

His rage... his fury... I could only imagine how he planned on punishing me for my mistake. To make matters worse, as the el’doraw said, the Dungeon Lord managed to somehow sway my heart. Although maybe this was only because he was initially a human?

Do I actually love him? No... I don’t even know what it means to love a man... How does it feel? I thought, but I couldn’t find an answer to my own questions.

The possibility that I refused to see it was also there, but who could point me on the right path? I was alone... In my mind and in my heart, I was a failure of an Apostle who fell in love with a Dungeon Lord without her even realizing it. To make matters worse, I let loose The Darkness upon this unsuspecting world.

If only I didn’t hesitate at that time... One second was all it took... If I didn’t... then Illsy wouldn’t have turned... I wouldn’t have failed. I thought and salty tears gathered at the corners of my eyes.

Thus, I cried...

I cried like a hopeless maiden struck by the tragedy of losing someone dear to her, but the one I mourned for was none other than my past self. The old ‘me’ was dead, killed by that which many called love, and yet... I did not regret it that much. All I could do was weep and hope my god would forgive me.

Two days later, the first refugees arrived in this town. They were apparently survivors left alive with the sole purpose of telling their terrifying tragedies to others. What I couldn’t understand was what it could possibly hope to gain from spreading such stories, but I stood and listened to them, I realized that all of them had something in common.

The Darkness as described by them was a tall man with crystals the color of blood half buried in his chest and arms. He had long black hair, arms covered in black metal, and a dark aura flowing around him. Yet, there was another feature about him common in all of their stories. It was his crying left green eye.

Is Illsyore still fighting against The Darkness? I thought after I returned to my room.

Shaking my head, I took a seat on the bed and looked at Melkuth’s Shield. It was nothing but a ridiculously heavy lump of steel now. Even my body was starting to lose some of his blessing, I became sluggish and tired easily. At least, I still had my youth, for now.

Letting out a sigh, I thought back at their words. That one crying eye was the same as when The Darkness first appeared. The rest changed, but that part of him remained the same. It was the only proof of the former Illsyore. The Dungeon Lord was still hiding somewhere inside him. Maybe he wasn’t fighting against The Darkness, but I had the feeling that he was still alive... somehow... somewhere...

Meanwhile, I felt like I was breaking apart. A faith built over decades was shattered only by a few words, proving just how fragile it was. A being who relied solely on the power of her god couldn’t even lift her shield anymore. A reward for which many would do anything to obtain it, I, on the other hand, cast it away in a single moment of insecurity. A life’s work was turned to dust...

All of these things described me at this moment. I had nothing. I could hope for nothing. I could hold nothing...

I failed... I failed... All those years... for what? For nothing... I failed... my thoughts flowed in such a depressive manner, pitying myself, putting all the blame on my shoulders, and at times... wishing for my end.

With tears rolling down my cheeks, my heart and soul shattered to bits, I fell asleep...

It was a funny dream I had... I saw Illsyore who was smiling. I saw his wives with him, but I felt welcomed by him... by them. Yet, I couldn’t go there... I was a broken mess. I had no faith... I had no god to follow... So why should I deserve such a thing?

As I stood far away from them, the road leading to their circle was quickly starting to crumble, and there, by the side of the road, I saw a old beggar. He lifted his hand up and asked for a coin. At that moment, I realized I had no top on. I was literally naked from the waist up and my chest was bare for the old man to see.

Embarrassed to death and with a high-pitched scream, I slapped the old man as I hard as I could. I sent him flying. When he was gone, I was breathing hard... and trembling. That perverted gaze of his falling all over my body was... creepy, frightening even.

Shuddering, I tried to find something with which I could cover my chest, but the only thing around was something the old beggar used to sit on. It was covered in a dirty rag. I pulled it off, and underneath it, I saw Melkuth’s Shield.

When there was nothing, I could do to use to hide my shame, I had his shield by my side. When there was no one to protect me, it always stood between me and that which wished to bring me harm. When I needed hope, it was always there. When I was lonely, it was there. Throughout my life, this shield had been by my side. Like a precious friend and comrade, it protected me, it defended me, it helped me...

But didn’t it abandon me? I thought, but what if I was wrong?

Even if it was just a dream, this shield still tried to protect me, to defend me... Be it an old pervert or a monster threatening to destroy the world. Each and every time, this shield had been by my side... until recently.

Did it cast me aside?

No...

I was the one who laid it down while believing so.

Ah~... Such a fool I was... I thought.

In the next moment, I woke up with tears rolling down my cheeks. It took me a moment to realize I was back in my room at the inn, staring at the ceiling. To my left, my shield laid leaning on the wall, waiting for me to walk over and pick it up.

Then I remembered my dream. Leaving that one very embarrassing moment aside, I realized that in my attempt to chase after Illsyore, I laid down my shield, but in doing so, I had forsaken a part of my identity... This was not Melkuth’s way. My god had always encouraged people to be who they are and not give in to the eyes of hate of those around them. A man who had lost track of himself can’t unleash the true warrior hidden inside of him.

If so... what is my truth? I asked myself as I got up from my bed and walked over to my shield.

Closing my eyes, I touched it and tried to find the answer. It was hard to do so, but if I were to guess, I had wished to be by Illsyore’s side while keeping my own shield by my side. It was both an impossible and unreasonable request, but that was my truth.

“Will I now wait for my end in this gloomy room or go forth and ask for another chance?” I asked myself as I opened my eyes.

With a smile on my lips, I knew what I had to do. I picked up the shield and tested its weight. It wasn’t light, but it wasn’t that heavy either.

“I need to speak with Melkuth...” I told myself, and with a determined look in my eyes, I rushed out of the room, but stopped and quickly returned inside. “That was embarrassing! I walked out without my armor on!”

After fixing my... vestments, I made my way to Melkuth’s temple, but when I reached that place, the priests walked up before me and stopped me from entering the prayer room.

“We apologize, but we received word that... well...” they looked at each other while trying to find a way to say what was one their mind.

“What is it?” I asked furrowing my brow.

“Well, we received word that miss Zoreya may not be an Apostle anymore... so we were told not to allow you back in Melkuth’s praying chambers...” one of them explained.

I was a bit shocked by what I heard. This could only mean that my god sent word to the other Apostles about my... lack of faith. Despite this troubling news, I did not hesitate.

“As long as I wield Melkuth’s Shield, I am still his Apostle! Even if others recognize me or not!” I declared without the slightest sign of hesitation.

“Even so... orders are orders.” they stepped forward with intent of pushing me back.

I let out a sigh and closed my eyes for a moment.

What would Illsy do? No... what would my friends do? I asked myself.

After a moment, I opened my eyes and showed them a smirk.

“Then try to stop me if you can.” I held my shield up, unsheathed my sword and stepped forward.

The priests all trembled in their spots when they saw me.

“Least I remind you that I am still a Supreme? Above all, I am a Supreme wielding a Divine Artifact, Melkuth’s Shield! Dare to stop me in my quest, and I am willing to turn you into blood splatters on the walls!” I threatened them with killing intent emanating from my body.

“B-But... you are... if you are an Apostle, such a thing...” one of them said, but I refused to listen to their incoherent babbling and stepped forward.

“You shall not pa... AGYA!!!”

An elderly priest tried to stop me by putting himself in front of my shield. That was a bold yet incredibly stupid move to do. I immediately released a wave of Magic Energy, and the priest, alongside several others, were sent flying back with a weird scream.

There was no reason to hesitate. My determination, my resolution, my path was clear. I was not going to let anyone stop me!

Thus, I forcefully entered Melkuth’s temple and made my way to the prayer room. There, I laid my shield against the door to stop any of them from entering and also set up a small barrier around myself to keep me safe.

Once I was done, I began to pray.

“Oh great Melkuth, God of War, please lend me your wisdom! Listen to the prayers of this Apostle of yours!”

A moment later, I was pulled up by a white light and appeared before my god. Immediately, I knelt in front of him.

“My god.” I said.

“You sure have guts to come back here... Why?” he asked me while releasing a terrible pressure.

He’s angry... I thought.

“I came because I wish to tell you that I had not abandoned your path.” I told him.

“Bold words to say, but those are nothing but a shameless lie!” he shouted, throwing me back with an invisible force.

“No, that is the truth...” I declared as I got up.

The god then waved a finger and a terrible force crushed me on the floor.

“My god...” I said as I tried to resist it.

“How can you lie to me like this, Zoreya? After everything I have done for you?!” he was angry.

“I do not...” I managed to look up at him, but in my eyes, he would see only my conviction and determination.

There was not even the smallest shadow of doubt and if one tried to make its way inside of me, then I would immediately banish it.

“You lie, Zoreya... While you do hold me in your heart, I am not the only one. Frankly speaking, I can’t even start to understand how and when you began to love that man!” he said.

“True, yet I still did not lie. I love Illsyore as a man, maybe it’s only a foolish feeling as of now. Maybe it’s my own foolish misunderstanding... Maybe it’s a curse, but I know one thing though, that I love you, Melkuth, as my god... even more.” I declared.

“Do you expect me to believe you?” he glared at me.

“Yes... because I know you can... and I, your loyal follower, know the god I love. As your Apostle, I may have been forbidden to take into my heart the love for another man, but I am not one to waver between them... My love for my god is my love for my god... but the love I have for Illsy is of another kind.” I declared.

He listened to my words and then the pressure was released bit by bit until I could finally resume my kneeling position. Melkuth didn’t say a single word during that time, he merely looked at me as if trying to determine whether I spoke the truth or not. Meanwhile, I waited patiently even if I was well aware that I didn’t have any more time to idle around.

“You wish to save Illsyore, the man you love?” he asked me.

“Yes.” I replied.

“You know that what your heart feels right now might not be the truth, right?” he let out a sigh.

“Yes, but if I don’t do anything to confirm whether this is all just my misunderstanding or not, then I won’t be able to move forward. I won’t be true to myself. As such, I will not be able to be the true warrior you request me to be, my god.” I declared without even the smallest sign of doubt in my voice.

Melkuth let out another sigh and rubbed his forehead with two fingers.

“You...” he said and looked up.

Another moment passed as he gathered his thoughts.

“Among all of my Apostles you were the best... But just as it happened with you, in the past there were others... When they fell in love with another man, each and one of them willingly removed themselves from my side, yet you claim you wish to stay? Won’t being my Apostle go against your love with that man?” he asked me.

“If that love comes to be true, then he will accept me as I am as your Apostle. If he doesn’t... then I shall be thankful for the time he offered me, but until he can, I will stay away from him. For me, it’s more important to be your Apostle, my god, than it is to be his devoted wife who blindly listens to him.” I declared with a firm resolution.

“And you expect a Dungeon Lord to do so?” he asked raising an eyebrow.

“I expect the human soul reincarnated as a Dungeon Lord to do so.” I bowed my head.

“What?” Melkuth looked surprised and even got up from his chair. “What did you just say?” he asked.

“My god, did you not know?” I asked surprised.

“No, please repeat.” he told me.

“Illsyore was originally a human man who died and had his soul reincarnated in the body of the Dungeon Lord created by the human High Mage Tuberculus.” I explained.

“A human... then...” he looked down while leaning on his arms on the desk.

“He told me he remembers his past life, that’s why he was so different than the other Dungeon Lord.” I told him.

“If that’s so, then... this...” he looked back at me. “Zoreya, do you actually love this mortal? Do you feel romantically attracted to him?” he asked me as if to make sure.

“Yes, my god. At first, I did not believe it was so, but after what Shanteya told me, and what I myself experienced in the past few weeks, I can only say that somehow, someway, the spark of love for this man named Illsyore bloomed in my heart.” I answered honestly.

“I see... then that’s why... It was his human charm that attracted you. It was his soul... If you two are... no, if all of them are... or if he is a soul of... Yes, that could be it...” he said rubbing his chin.

“My god?” I was quite confused by his words.

“Zoreya, for now... I offer you my blessing to go and help Illsyore. Unfortunately, my decision to remove you as my Apostle, for now, still remains. It’s the condition set in... Your status as an Apostle automatically gets revoked the moment you admit to love another man. This means you will exponentially grow weaker and older with each passing day until you reach your actual age... I will have to change several laws to accept you again, but it can’t be done right now. Not if I want to have a backup plan in case you fail... That’s why, I am going to offer you some of my Divine Energy to give you a small boost to help you combat The Darkness.” he declared and stepped away from his desk.

“I understand, my god.” I bowed my head.

In the next moment, he was in front of me and raised my chin up.

“I really hate losing such a wonderful Apostle to a mortal, but I will promise you this. If you keep your word about loving me as your god no matter what, then I will take you by my side no matter when you will meet your end or how. The same reward offered to my Apostles is granted to you as well... I swear this in my name!” he declared and then... he kissed me.

The moment was surprising... and strange. That was my first kiss... and it felt exhilarating, exiting, and incredible in a way no words could possibly describe, but that was also most likely due to the powerful Divine Energy flowing into my body, granting me the strength I needed to confront The Darkness. Yet, this was the kiss of my god, not of my lover... Two different things in my heart, yet remarkably similar and close to each other.

“At the very least, I stole your first kiss from that man! I am a selfish god, what can I say?” Melkuth said with a playful smirk.

“My god?” I asked bewildered.

“Do not worry about it...” he sighed and then walked back to his desk.

“Thank you, my god! I shall not fail you!” I declared while my cheeks were burning red.

“Yes, yes, good luck!” he waved me off, and I was returned to the mortal world.

With a gulp, I touched my lips when I returned.

Ah~ I am shameful woman, aren’t I? To receive a kiss from my god and still yearn for Illsy’s. I thought and then giggled softly.

It wasn’t that bad, but with all things decided, I had a new job to attend to. I was to hunt down The Darkness and save my beloved from its grasp... somehow.

[The God of War’s office]

“You are red like a tomato... What an innocent god you are.” said the senile old fool.

“Shut up...” groaned Melkuth.

“Hm? It couldn’t be that was your first kiss as well?!” he acted surprised.

“Like hell that was!” he tossed a lightning bolt at the God of Big Boobs’ face.

“AGYA!” he screamed as he fell on the floor.

“Ugh... I just can’t believe that I... A GOD... lost to a mortal, and a human at that!” Melkuth groaned and slumped down in his chair.

“That’s what’s bothering you, you harem gathering god!” shouted the senile old fool.

“But to think Illsyore was actually a reincarnated Human. Why didn’t we know that?” he shook his head.

“You mean why didn’t YOU knew that?” the god grinned.

“How did YOU find out then?” Melkuth squinted his eyes at him.

“Technically speaking, I am HIS god. That means, I am allowed to have a bit more background info on him? Right?” he smiled.

“Sigh... even so... to lose Zoreya to a human... I, a god... lost to a mortal. Sooo embarrassing!” he let out a depressing sigh.

“Cheer up, my friend! Let’s see if your Apostle can truly change this world’s fate or not! After all... to think SHE of all people would fall for Illsyore... I know she has the knowledge and ability to convince him to fight against The Darkness, but... this... yes... Unexpected. See! Oracles of all kind can only spout nonsense! None of them predicted this maiden’s change of heart!” he declared and then laughed broadly.

“Sigh... to lose to a mortal... I failed as a god.” said Melkuth while ignoring the senile old fool.