~ Chapter 24: A parent’s worry ~

[Syliar’s point of view]

For a demoness, having a family with most members as angels was a bit… troublesome. All was well for the most part except for the times when either dearest mother or father called for a family meeting.

As angels, they wanted to save the world, while I wanted to see it burn. They wanted to have picnic in the middle of a beautiful pasture, while I wanted to char some bodies in the middle of a battlefield with freshly killed corpses and ripped off body parts all over the place. They wanted peace and sunshine, while I wanted chaos and natural disasters. Simply put, we didn’t see eye to eye when it came to most thing.

Normally, you would think that as a demoness, I was allowed to cause harm to my own family just because it sounded like it was the most natural and evil thing to do, right? Well, that wasn’t completely wrong, but it was a viable way of thinking only and only for Universes where the understanding of good and evil was very low or medium at best. Unfortunately, in the Angelion Academy Universe and any like it, we saw good and evil as merely the opposite sides of the same coin, means of reaching a certain objective or path, the few who could look at things through a perception beyond good and evil, taking each action when it was ideal.

If this law of Good and Evil could be seen with the naked eye, then it would look like a type of flowing energy that changed to white when it was positive and then to black when it was negative. That was about all the differences you could get between the two states, nothing more and nothing less. The action themselves, while they could be classed as either good or evil, they did not hold the same karmic weight they held in other Universes.

Good was just the opposite of Evil on a XY scale and Evil was the opposite of Good, some even called it the Mirror Effect of Morality. What differentiated the demons from angels was the simple act of choosing the dark side of that energy instead of the light one.

Those who wished to learn the extremes of either Good or Evil would reincarnate as either Angels or Demons and then they would become Ascendants who could see things beyond Good and Evil. It was a slow learning process, but for those living through it, this was nothing more than an afterthought, a background noise they did not pay that much attention to, but the knowledge itself was there for all to see and access.

This was the reason why I wished and felt like acting around my own family in a different way than I acted in the mortal realms. Over there, the very thought of destroying a populated world was seen as a horrendous crime, but for those in this Universe, it was merely a mistake that could be fixed by recreating that world or an actual necessity to either prevent an event or even stir it on another path. They had the power to do it.

Fortunately for my mental sanity, this morality law affected me only when it came to very few specific and special cases. I could act like the total demoness I was with anyone else, well… as long as I was willing to accept the consequences of doing so. With anyone else, I was free to be myself. If I wanted to cause someone pain, I did. If I wanted to stab a dagger into their hearts, there was nothing to stop me. If I wanted to eat off the ground and cause them utter disgust, doable! However, tease my little brothers and try to harm them? No can do! I would feel a very nagging and upsetting feeling deep inside, which would eventually force me to apologize. Basically, I felt… bad about it.

I saw no reason to complain. It was the way this kind of Universe worked.

After some more stories regarding how each of us encountered various curious situations, mine bloodier and more gruesome than theirs, the big question popped up, and the one to ask it was mother.

“Tell me, Syliar, why did you stay away from us for such a long time? We were worried, you know?”

She spoke with a sweet and calm voice, showing me that she really meant what she said.

Looking down at my empty glass, I thought about what I should answer her, if I should dare to lie or speak the truth. The question was a difficult one because I did not actually know the answer to it myself.

I fled from my family and home centuries ago, right after I finished the academy. Unable to graduate as an angel, I turned to the demonic side and saw myself as failure. At that time, in my mind, I saw no reason to stick around a full angel family. They lived with different laws than mine. What made them happy made me angry, what made them sad made me happy. There were all sorts of situations like those. In the end, I chose to run away.

“I don’t know... it just happened.” I said.

My mother looked with a deep sadness in her eyes and pulled me into her warm embrace. I did not struggle to get out, I didn’t want to.

“You are always welcomed in this home, you know this, right?” she asked me.

Half of me wanted to listen, the other refused. For the first time in a while, I felt like my core struggled between typical angel thoughts and my usual demonic ones.

“I don’t think it would be a good idea...” I replied.

She looked into my eyes with so much worry and love that I was forced to look away.

“Have we done something to earn your hate?” she asked me.

I blinked surprised and wondered if mother forgot the fact that I was a demoness. Hate and agony were my little names; they were a part of my very nature. If I were to be cast down in the mortal worlds, she would see me cursing and even trying to kill her. Here, in this Universe, it was the only place where I did not feel the need to do such horrible things.

“No, I don’t think so...” I replied and then looked down.

What was it then? Why was I running away from them? Why did I try to cut all ties with the parents who raised me, cared for me, and loved me?

These questions swirled around in my mind like garbage in a tornado. My heart and mind saw them as trash, as worthless words placed together in a sentence meant for no real purpose, but my soul saw something my mind did not. It was weird, those conflicting thoughts pulled out another insecurity of mine.

I was a demoness and a Demon Queen at that. Michael was an angel... Could I accept to be together with him? Could I desire to have a family and live together with an angel?

My demonic answers replied to all of them with a strong ‘no’. Although I desired it, I hated it, I did not want to be together with an angel. It did not feel natural, it didn’t feel normal.

“Ugh...” I groaned as I rubbed my forehead.

What was happening to me? It felt like my head was about to explode. I was ripped apart by those two opposite desires. They clashed inside, both fighting and vying for total control over my actions and decisions. It would have been easy to give in to either of them, but a strong feeling kept me from choosing either side. Choosing left or right was the same thing. I would abandon one to gain the other.

“Syliar... do you want to hear why I believe you were chosen as the only demoness in this family?” asked Tyon.

I looked at him, and he showed me a soft smile.

“No...” I replied determined to put his opinions right in the trash bin, but he ignored me.

“Well, in this family there are three powerful archangels, and you yourself are a very powerful demoness. It might have been to balance us out, but I think that’s just one of the many reasons. It does not matter whether you are a demon or an angel, what matters is that you are part of this family, and we will always be here to offer you support whenever you need it. We might not think in demonic ways to do it, but we will help you in our angelic ways to the best of our power just as you will do the same for us.” he explained in a slow and concise way, with a calm tone in his voice and determination in his eyes.

“Maybe you were afraid of this very fact. Seeing all of us as angels, you saw no one able to take your side and see things from your point of view. Rather than try, you chose to step away and keep a shackled door between us. You even hung the sign: none may enter.” added Metatron as he got up and walked over to me.

He placed his hand on top of my head and ruffled my hair as one would to a small kid, showing me his gentle smile while at it. As a result, I felt the need to take a bite at it, but not in an very harsh way, a playful one. I didn’t.

“Stop it...” I said growling, but a bit softer.

I looked down.

“Were you afraid of us?” asked Aryn.

When I looked at him, he gave me his typical puppy-dog-eyes stare.

“Maybe... You are all angels and I... the only demon.” I lowered my eyes to the glass in front of me.

“Do you really think it matters here?” asked mother.

I looked at her and thought deeply about her words.

My demonic side was screaming at me, telling me that I was a fool who whined too much about such petty little things like family, but another part of me, the one swayed by the laws of this Universe felt bad about it.

Funny... a demon feeling bad for not having a family. Could it have gotten even more disgusting?

“I don’t...” I replied.

My voice was wavering. A powerful Demon Queen like me wavered when asked such a silly question, but in the end, no demon in Hell or the mortal worlds was alone. All of them had some form of family, be them Soul Mates, siblings, or birth parents.

But for what purpose? I asked myself this time and time again in the past. I could not see nor understand why I was gifted with angelic parents instead of demonic ones. There were so many differences between us that I did not even know where to start counting them all.

In the past, I gave up trying to find an answer to this question. I gave up because I was probably far too young to even begin to comprehend it, but now… the answer was as clear as day, despite how much I did not want it to be.

You see… any immortal, be them angel or demon could easily slip into insanity if they stayed too long in their post. God made us as social beings capable of great deeds, but also allowed us to have lives of our own lives through which we could enjoy the pleasures gifted by His creation. He offered us an unspeakable freedom when compared to mortal species in general, but one which came with the price of carefully following the laws He set out in each Universe.

Still, the question which might have puzzled even the most ancient of philosophers was: What did God use to balance the extremes in both angels and demons? Normally and from all points of view, they were never meant to behave in such a way. Their very natures contradicted and rejected each other.

Looking at my parents and siblings, I came to realize the answer to this question.

Family and Soul Mates...

The laws of the Soul Mate offered a demoness like myself the ability to taste love and good, while my family, in the laws of this Universe, allowed me to see past the veil cast down by the illusory war between good and evil. They represented the same thing, but seen and dependent on each soul’s desires. I chose evil, darkness, but that didn’t mean I had to abandon myself to it for eternity. Whenever I would desire a way out, my Soul Mate would be there to help me out. My family would then offer me another helping hand until I would be able to change.

That was what I thought at least. Understanding and accepting this fact as true helped me get rid of a heavy burden on my chest, which, up until now, had been invisible to me and anyone else around me. Indeed, I could change. I could even become an angel if so I chose to, but at this point, my demonic side was way too fun for me. I loved and still love to torture, to destroy, to cause havoc and panic all around me, but once I was done, I could return to my family and Soul Mate without having anything to worry about.

This piece of holy knowledge did not come to me in this fraction of a moment, no, it was just pieced together now. This was something my soul had been mulling upon it ever since I left my family. The things I saw, the things I heard, the things I experienced and felt were part of the key to find this answer…

The change inside my soul might have been noticed by my family because I saw a gentle smile rising from the tip of their lips as they waited for me to reply to their last question.

I shook my head.

“I doesn’t matter... I see that now. It’s a bit funny, but I, a Demon Queen, was actually afraid of hoping or even wishing for a normal family together with my Soul Mate. I saw it as impossible, improbable, unlikely... But that’s not something I had to be afraid off. It’s even possible that we both desire the same thing. It’s our natural attraction to each other... That’s why I searched for him. Deep down, this is the reason why I desperately wanted to find him.” I said and closed my eyes for a moment.

A family… the one thing I fled from when I was young… I thought.

Now, my past deeds, my endless slaughters, my countless murders, my spree of destruction upon those souls who did not wish to experience them was seen as nothing but foolishness. As a demoness, the endless torture and pain of the soul who wished for them were the most delightful of pleasures. It offered me the taste of a seductive beverage, just waiting to pour down my throat. I relished those moments. The soul screamed the best, but during my inter-dimensional genocide spree, only their bodies screamed, their souls remained silent... unable to feel the pain I offered them because it was not something they wished for.

“That’s why you came to help me, isn’t it... father?” I asked as I looked at Metatron.

He showed me a gentle smile and patted my head two times. “I’ll always jump in to help you when I can. You are my precious daughter, after all.” he said.

“We actually had to stop him from going out too early...” mother complained as she shook her head.

“The neighbors helped to chain him down until he received permission from the higher ups.” giggled Tyon.

“Not very angel like.” I commented raising an eyebrow.

“It’s the worry of your father... I can’t help it, and once you become a parent, you’ll know what I mean!” he declared with unwavering determination before letting out a sigh as if he was about to lose something precious to him.

The thought of me becoming a mother made me raise an eyebrow at him, but I knew that such things might end up inevitable if I were to accept and include my beloved Soul Mate into my life.