~ Chapter 25: Retracing my steps ~

[Syliar’s point of view]

For the next two hours or so, we talked mostly about me, what I did, what I was going to do right now, and what plans I had for my future. We joked about some stuff, laughed about others, and ended up in awkward moments when I mentioned certain situations, but all in all, the time spent together with my family could be considered as one I learned to cherish.

Honestly, I felt more like a human woman than I did a demoness who ruled entire Universes and cast upon unsuspecting mortals the darkness and evil of all creations. Actually, thinking about whether good dominated evil or the other way around didn’t seem to matter that much anymore. The more I talked with them, the less I felt like needing to explain myself to them. They accepted me as I was without a question of doubt.

My home wasn’t a battleground for good and evil to fight in, I finally understood this.

It truly came as a surprise to me that by visiting my family, I ended up experiencing such wonderful emotions as well as gaining closures to some questions that have been haunting me for God knows how many years. The answer seemed to be so simple, so easy to grasp, yet when placed in my previous shoes, I found out how absurdly hard it was to open my eyes to see it.

“Before I leave, I wish to visit my old room for a bit. That is if you brought my things over from the other biome.” I requested as I looked up at mother.

“Of course, dear, we didn’t forget to bring it over. The house changed very little from back then.” she nodded and then showed me a smile.

“I made sure that we didn’t leave anything behind.” Metatron reassured me.

I smiled in return and then got up from the couch.

With a calm step, I climbed the stairs and walked towards the room on the left side at the end of the corridor. A slashed-up pair of angel wings marked my door. I could still remember how it received this mark. It was back when I was in my last year of the Academy.

Frustrated with my bad grades in the angel classes, annoyed at my friends, and simply hating the teachers who tried to help me, I went into the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and stabbed the door until my anger dissipated.

Good times...

Opening the door, the scent of old books and oranges caressed my nose. There was not even a grain of dust inside. No doubt mother made sure to keep this place cleaned up, the scent of oranges was an obvious hint. I hated it, but she loved it.

After I changed into a demon, I relinquished from possession most of my angel related stuff. I could remember that I had an entire collection of peaceful meditation music, choirs, and in general calming pieces with people who chose the path of love and peace. The messages carefully hidden in the lyrics were the same. The ripped-up posters on the walls were once those belonging to an angel band. I used to really love the music composed by those guys, but right now I found it to be utterly disgusting, but it did have its uses… as a torture method for the demons who were acting out of line.

Most of my literature books were still here. When I changed, I tore up everything in my collection that was about religion and the morality of good and bad, textbooks and self-development guides. The spine of one of the books was still there, on my desk, ‘The art of turning evil into good’.

Walking over to my bed, I sat down and looked around at this place. I remembered how in my first years at the academy, I wanted to become just like father, a beautiful archangel who helped all those in need. A being of light who cherished love and kindness.

It made me sick to my stomach just thinking that I was once upon a time a mindless drone with fluffy dreams like that. As a demoness, I found such thoughts to be both amusing and sickening. That’s why I enjoyed mentally torturing mortal idiots who believed in such stuff. I tested them out, but most of them cracked under my careful and venomous touch.

I didn’t have a computer. I never liked those things, but I did find them useful when I needed them. Instead, I had a bottle of ink and a golden feather. I used to write letters to my friends, and we would chat like that. Casting a simple spell of magic on the piece of paper was simple. There was a funny incident once when instead of sending my letter to a friend, I sent it to her crush.

That was probably my first evil deed. I should have taken it as a hint of my demonic tendencies, but I apologized deeply a couple of times and in the end was forgiven. Maybe it would have gone better if she decided to end our friendship there, but then again, that girl did became a Guardian Angel.

“Hm, wait… Wasn’t she the one who tried to stop me from attacking that human village back when I was a Demon Lord?” I asked myself.

Probably, all I remembered was ripping out some poor angel’s wings, beating them half to death and then leaving them to die in the middle of the desert.

I had to wonder though, What happened to her afterwards?

I shrugged. It didn’t really matter that much to me what became of her, what was important, however, was to obtain the Jewel of Hope. Once I succeeded in my quest, I shattered that obnoxious thing into a billion pieces and released a demon-like species upon the mortal world. My evil deed caused at least a hundred years of pain and suffering for all those living in that part of the continent.

While reminiscing about my various encounters with various angelions I went to the Academy with, I noticed that none of them ended in a friendly manner. As often and whenever I could, I attacked them indiscriminately and tried my best to slay them all. In some, I was victorious, while in others, I failed miserably. Still, almost all of them happened long before I became a Demon Queen.

It made me curious to think what would happen if by chance I were to meet them again in my current form. Would they be stronger, or would I prove to have surpassed all of them?

Laying back on my bed, I looked up at the ceiling. The painting of Heaven’s Gate was still there, untouched after all these years. Back then, when I trashed my room in anger of being a failure as an angel, I remember stopping myself from destroying the painting on the ceiling because I saw no need in doing so. Ever since I was little, I wanted to become the best and most beautiful of angels, but no matter how hard I tried, I simply could not match the others. When I first painted the Heaven’s Gate, I saw it as my future workplace, but then it changed in the land of my foes, the place where no demon may dare to enter.

If you asked me, it was a bit unfair. Any angel could step into Hell, but no demon was allowed in Heaven.

A knocking on the door woke me up from reminiscing about my past. I opened my eyes and turned my head to see who it was.

“Are you planning on taking a nap?” asked Metatron.

“No.” I replied with a smile.

“What’s wrong?” he asked me as he entered and took a seat on the edge of my bed.

“I was thinking about how I became a failure of an angel... No matter how hard I tried, I never could match the others.” I confessed.

“I don’t think you were ever meant to be an angel. You tried your best to become one, but from what I can see, you became an even better demoness.” he told me.

“Yeah... maybe.”

“Are you worried about Michael?” he asked me after a moment of silence.

My mind raced with various thoughts regarding what could go wrong during our meeting, but after my earlier talk with my family, I began to highly doubt many of those possibilities. It was not as though I was blinded by angelic light, but rather I was now aware of the simple fact that he was my Soul Mate, and no matter what, he would always carry a special spot in my heart. It was not blind lust, mad desire, and angry possessiveness anymore... it was love.

“No...” I replied as I closed my eyes.

“That’s good.” he said and then remained quiet for a while.

As I laid there, I thought about my upcoming meeting and if I should try to make some time for my family. They could not visit me in my Hell Kingdom, but in this Universe, I could always drop by for a short visit. On the off chance that my Soul Mate desired to live together with me, there were countless homes on this planet we could claim as our own. There were countless possibilities and plenty of chances from now on to meet and talk about our future. Maybe he still had something to do in the mortal worlds and until then, there was no need for a house here. He could end up asking me to wait for him until he was ready, but unlike before, I would see no reason in being impatient now.

There were many possibilities, but out of all of them, I refused only those which ended up with me losing him for one reason or another. When I thought of the off chance that he might decide not to stay by my side, I felt my heart shrink and instead of joy, sadness and despair took root. If I was the one giving such emotions to a mortal, it would have been fun, but when I experienced them, it wasn’t fun at all. Those emotions drained my will and backed me up into a corner from where I couldn’t escape no matter how strong and powerful I was.

I let out a long sigh to relinquish them from my heart and closed my eyes. Father didn’t move from his spot, but he was probably a bit worried. I never was the perfect angel daughter and even as a demoness, I had my own troubles.

My mind wandered off to various memories from my past as I laid there on the bed, resting my tired body. I simply let the time pass by without a care until father tapped me on the shoulder. Opening my eyes, I saw him standing next to me.

“Syliar, it’s getting late, you should go and meet with him.” he told me.

I looked at him and then looked out the window. He was right, it was getting close to sunset, or what could be called that in this Universe. For some reason, I felt like time simply flew by me. I might have been too relaxed or maybe I wasn’t focused enough. Either way, I got up and stretched my arms a bit.

“Did... Did you talk to him about where we are supposed to meet?” I asked as I looked down.

“Yes. I’ll conjure up a light orb to take you there. Is that alright?” he would ask calmly.

I nodded in reply and walked out of my room. It was about time to say my farewells to my family, again.

It was strange, but I didn’t feel either regret, worry, or fear regarding my departure as I did when I first left them. I was relaxed. By visiting and talking with them, I took a load off my chest. Maybe from a standard point of view, I was a disgrace as a Demon Queen, but honestly, I didn’t really care that much about it.

If there was anyone out there who had the guts to complain about the way I did things, they just had to step forward so I could rip them out and then feed them to them.

Walking down on the stairs, I saw my two siblings looking up at me, begging me with their eyes not to go, while mother was waiting for me by the door. I stopped for a moment on the last step of the stairs and looked at them.

“I promise I’ll come back again... maybe, if I feel like it.” I told them, trying to make it look as though I was forcing a smile, but the bloody thing just popped up naturally.

“I’ll miss you, sister!” said Tyon as he jumped and hugged me.

“Me too!” said Aryn, who mimicked his brother.

“Alright! Alright! Enough with the hugging you two!” I growled as I pushed them off.

They laughed and stepped aside. Mother came forth and hugged me in their stead.

“I’ll miss you, Syliar.”

“Ugh... me too, mother.” I replied.

After the hugging moments were over, I was finally allowed to step out of the house. Seriously though, I was a demoness, couldn’t they have found some more appropriate ways to send me off? Like a grenade or maybe by hiring an angry mob? What was it with all of these nasty gross hugs?

Despite my rather rude thoughts regarding the situation, deep down, I really did appreciate their effort and words. To forgive someone like me, it really meant something. Others would have tried to kill me or exorcise me, but they understood and supported me no matter what.

“Here you go, Syliar. We’ll be here whenever you wish to return.” said father as he handed me the floating sphere of light.

I looked into his eyes and nodded.

“Yes... I will.” I said and then I took flight.